Maybe the Crypt Keeper has been spoiling me too much, but when it comes to the various stories our decomposed host offers up, there seems to be two types of speed. One is where the episode throws caution to the wind and slings wacky plots, outrageous gore and famous faces at the wall in order to create mini classics that delight and amuse as it winds it’s way toward a fittingly perverse twist in the tail; however, the other are the more sedate episodes that prove to be far more simpler and while these episodes are usually fine taken on their own merit, compared to the more extravagant installments, they tend to be a little boring.
This seems to be the fate of David Burton Morris’ “Three’s A Crowd”, a technically proficient story of a jealous husband that has the misfortune to be stuck between episodes that both contained rotting corpses back from the dead. Set your expectations kiddies, the Keeper’s reading us a slow one today.
Richard has recently fallen on hard times after his job in insurance fell through, but while he’s always had his ten year marriage to his his wife, Della, to fall back on, the constant battering to his confidence is causing him to fray at the edges. Despite trying constantly for the past decade, Richard has failed to get his wife pregnant and matters have gotten even more tense when his former best man, Alan, has come out of the woodwork to insist that they celebrate their anniversary at his remote, lush cabin. You see, while Richard is frustratingly down on his luck, Alan has prospered and this all continues to wage an assault on Richard manhood to cause he to turn to the bottle and rapidly become immensely bitter.
As the weekend goes on, a progressively paranoid Richard starts to notice how close both Alan and Della are getting which activated his booze-fued spider-sense even more. Be it the lush coat that Alan buys Della that Richard couldn’t possibly afford, or the constant reminders his former friend gives him that both Della and he dated before she hooked up with him, the increasingly jealous husband notices every lingering look, ever leg squeeze and every whispered comment. Sooner or later, the dam has to break and after getting incredibly loaded, Richard becomes convinced that not only are Alan and Della sleeping together, but the overhead whispers of some untold secret finally makes the man snap.
Cornering Alan with a crossbow, a drunken Richard vents his inadequacies by murdering his best man and then turning his rage on his wife who he accuses of infidelity as he chokes her to death with one of the stockings that Alan has bought her. However, much to Richard’s horror, he soon discovers what that secret was that his wife was keeping from him and it certainly has nothing to do with running away with Alan. In fact, it’s tough to tell who is the most surprised, the members of the surprise party Alan and Della had organised, or Richard who is discovered as he drags the body of his dead – and pregnant – wife through the door…
There’s nothing technically wrong with Three’s A Crowd – after all with its origins coming from EC Comics and a paticularly cruel twist, it meets many of the criteria needed to qualify for Tales From The Crypt episode. However, with it’s buttoned down scale and rather basic layout, this serving of murder and mistrust ends up being a lesser salvo in the artillery of season 2. The fact is, there’s nothing overtly special about the episode that you couldn’t find in any other anthology show you could name and while this tragic tale of misfiring toxic masculinity would fit right at home in shows like Alfred Hitchcock Presents or Tales Of The Unexpected, at its basic core, the story just feels a little tame for the sort of thing I expect from a show hosted by a living corpse pretending to be a DJ. But while I admit that maybe not every episode of the show needs to delve deep into the recesses of fucked-up horror, there’s something fairly generic about what’s presented here.
The main issue is that the episode only really has one speed as we gradually watch the metal breakdown of Gavan O’Herlihy’s Richard as his own shortcomings chip away at his sanity which means that despite the typically brief runtime, we’re essentially watching the exact same scene replayed over and over again only more intense every time we do it. It’s cool that the episode wants to convincingly show us the path Richard takes from bitter loser to deranged killer, but every scene starts with Richard glaring around suspiciously as he necks an endless supply of booze, continues with Della and Alan engaging in some type of flirting and ends with the fracturing husband raging out while possibly flinging a glass at the wall. Certainly, the build up is worth it as we get a typically vicious (if fairly predictable) end when all of the whispered secrecy between his wife and friend is revealed to be nothing more than a secret party in their honor. Even more of a kick in the happy sacks is the fact that Della was finally expecting Richard’s child after years of trying – but if things weren’t utterly spiteful, I guess it wouldn’t be Tales From The Crypt.
But while David Burton Morris keeps things locked in (if repetitive), the most fun to be gleaned from Three’s A Crowd comes from watching O’Herlihy progressively lose his shit as the episode goes on. A recognisable character actor from such movies as Superman 3, Death Wish 3 and Willow, he gets a full episode to play with as his character melts down, freak out and fucks up. Another aspect that I’ve always loved about Tales (and anthology television on general) is that actor who are usually related to life roles finally get to take centre stage such as Mary Ellen Trainor in And All Through The House, or Joe Pantoliano in Dig That Cat… He’s Real Gone, and O’Herlihy delivers a suitably unhinged turn full of embittered eyeball rolling and self loathing rants. It’s just a shame that Ruth de Sosa and Paul Lieber don’t really have anything to add as the objects of his misplaced scorn until he decides to kill them.
While the climatic violence isn’t super gruesome, I will say I’m surprised at how lurid Della’s murder ends up being. While Alan gets shot through with a crossbow, Richard ends up garrotting his wife with a pair of her own stockings and Morris certainly doesn’t cheap out as the prolonged gurgling and choking really make the death hit home just before we discover everything’s been a terrible misunderstanding.
Three’s A Crowd may be small and perfectly formed with a nice clean twist to gutshot us right back to the Crypt Keeper for our goodbyes, but compares to the more outlandish and raucous entries that we’ve had so far, it also ends up being pretty forgettable too. While a great central freak out by O’Herlihy keeps the episode afloat, ultimately this installment gets – you guessed it – lost in the crowd.
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