There’s no shame in wanting your movie to emulate other movies, especially when films in question are pretty bloody brilliant; but the latest shark attack movie to splash into cinemas, Something In The Water, obviously wants to be The Descent meets The Shallows so bad, I’m genuinely stunned that it wasn’t called Shallow Descent at some point during its production.
The latest in a long, recent run of movies that depicts a girls trip going spectacularly wrong due to sharks, alligators, high places and other such convoluted means, Hayley Easton Street’s directorial debut sees a group of estranged friends converging in the Caribbean in order to be bridesmaids to one of their number’s upcoming nuptials, but can this latest attempt to test the bond of women via splashy, bitey means stand head and dorsal fin above the the rest of the pack, or does it sink to the depths, never to be heard of again?
A year has passed since Meg suffered a brutal, homophobic attack after she and her girlfriend, Kayla, where accosted by female thugs, but despite suffering panic attacks and frequent bouts of PTSD, she’s managed to get herself together to reconnect with her friend group due to one of their number, Lizzie, extravagantly tying the knot in the West Indies. However, matters get off to an extremely awkward start after she finds out that Kayla has be chosen to be the one to meet her from the airport after splitting up soon after that fateful beating occured.
Her friends – the status hungry Lizzie, the impetuous Cam and the down to earth Ruth – all mean well, but that fateful night bears deeper wounds than just scars and while their friendship is slowly rekindled, it seems that what they had is just too far out of reach.
Still, the endlessly headstrong Cam isn’t locked yet and in a surprise treat for her friends the day before the wedding, she takes them out to a picturesque, deserted island in order to try one last time to jump start Meg and Kayla’s relationship. Of course, anyone who has seen so much as a trailer for one of these types of films know that disaster is due to strike at any minute and it isn’t long before Ruth catches a wickedly large hickey on her calf from a passing shark. As the group race to bind her gushing wound and load her onto the rickety boat to rush her to a doctor, things quickly go from bad to worse.
Boat wrecked on rocks and is rapidly sinking? Ruth losing a scary amount of blood? Only one life jacket? Lizzie reveals she can’t swim? The hits come thick and fast and most pertinent issue if all is that Ruth must taste pretty good, because that shark keeps coming back to sniff around for seconds.
I mean, it’s a dead cert that the wedding’s off, but as this friendship is stress-related in ways you couldn’t imagine, can these five women manage to make it back in one piece?
The two cinenatic touchstones that I mentioned earlier, Neil Marshal’s The Descent and Jaume Collet-Serra’s The Shallows, are both time tested modern classics that not only stand on their own as great horror/thrillers in their own right, but also are great, women-led movies that see their characters stand or fall depending on their determination to survive in the face of various things that want to eat them. Something In The Water doesn’t just feel inspired by this survival-themed duo, it literally feels like all the screen writer has done is merge the two films wholesale, and while this does include a oddly welcome sense of familiarity, it also manages to diffuse what made the two films so nail-biting in the first place. The Descent nailed its premise because even without the presence of subterranean beasties, being trapped underground is literally terrifying on it’s own, while The Shallows was so effective because Blake Lively was on her Jack Jones when squaring up to her toothy attacker – in comparison, the gorgeous blue expanse of the Caribbean combined with the fact that each of these women has four other friends to lean on doesn’t feel that bad in comparison and if nothing else, it’s also missing the stark immediacy of Open Water too.
Additionally, while the film nicely avoids some time worn tropes (despite some blame shaming and the odd meltdown, these women don’t suddenly turn on each other like crazed maniacs when staring into their own mortality), it doubles down on others, which makes me wonder – is the real warning for a film like this that we should all ditch that punchably upbeat, impetuously adventurous member of our friend groups before the bring fully avoidable doom down upon our heads? I say yes.
Similarly, despite heavily presenting itself as a shark attack movie, some might be disappointed that the something in the water that the title refers too is mostly a bunch of women floating aimlessly in the ocean, while one of them bangs on about their wedding. I mean, the wayward fish causes the issue in the first place and it certainly ups it’s attacks in the final fifteen minutes, but those looking for a women vs shark beatdown might feel a little short changed. However, anyone up for a counter sequel that sees the groom and his buddies attacked by bears during their stag do? No? Well, that’s understandable.
However, despite some wearily familiar plot points, I also found parts of Something In The Water to be fairly affecting and the shift from a bunch of old friends dancing to S Club 7 in a club to a sunburnt sisterhood willing to sacrifice themselves to the elements for their friends may feel a little contrived at times, but like I said earlier, it’s a nice change from them turning on each other with murderous results. Plus, even though I’m not sure if it was because of the acting, or just the fact that the movie puts her through so much shit, but I also found myself rooting for Hiftu Quasem’s main character Meg and her seemingly doomed romance with Natalie Mitson’s Kayla. Maybe I’m getting to be a bit of a softy in my old age, but while she quietly works overtime to try and keep everyone together, I found it way more moving than any number of scene-setting speeches that other films probably would have employed.
But as the body count rises and the blood starts to flow like so much spilled prosecco, Something In The Water just can’t help being just another entry in the holiday from hell genre that has you secretly judging the victims for their idiocy rather than getting behind them and hoping they persevere. I guess the real something in the water is a frustrating lack of originality…
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