Thanks to the the leaner restrictions that HBO allowed for violence, nudity and extreme gore, Tales From The Crypt tended to be a trailblazer when it came to small-screen excess. If your story was on the steamier side, then censors wasn’t about to stop you from showing a little skin, and if things needed to get nice and bloody, well, just have at it. But over the years, while there’s been plenty of episodes that’s pushed that deranged envelope as far as it will go, it’s tough to think of a single installment that doesn’t go as balls-out as Gary Fleder’s showstopping “Forever Ambergris”.
His second, and sadly last, entry into the series (season 4’s “Seance” being the first), we also find Scott Rosenberg on writing duties – which proves to be extra interesting as the pair teamed up only a few years later to make quirky crime caper, Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead. However the real draw here is the lengths the episode goes to in order to fulfill that all-important brief that makes Tales From The Crypt so fun. Most extreme episode ever? It’s certainly in with a shot.
Dalton Scott was the greatest war photographer to ever snap film in any number of war-torn hellholes, but time has finally caught up with him and he finds himself having to except that his eye is not as sharp as it once was. Not helping with that sting in his pride is that he’s been paired with Issac “Ike” Ford, who not only has the raw talent he had twenty years ago, but looks up to Dalton like he’s some sort of God. After being told by his boss that he’s one more combat zone from being completely washed up, Dalton finds yet another reason to dislike Ike when he meets Bobbi, his protege’s stunning wife, who genuinely worships the ground her hubby walks on. Finding himself utterly envious of this likeable upstart, Dalton soon gets an opportunity to plot when he and Ike are sent to shadow a team of mercenaries as they head into Central America. Learning of a village named Valmalera that has been all but obliterated by chemical weapons, Dalton manipulates his fan into heading there alone to shoot some film. So virulent is the chemical that Ike’s been infected with, he spectacularly melts down that night while a gleeful Dalton confesses his plan to claim Ike’s photos as his own work and then make moves on a grieving Bobbi.
While some of those mercs aren’t particularly happy about Dalton’s actions, this doesn’t stol the conniving combat photographer from carrying out his plan, but during his seduction of Bobbi, he doesn’t realise that she’s not only been warned of Dalton’s actions, but Ike had sent her some fragrant balsam from Valmalera that proves to be highly contagious when she deliberately gets them both to smoke it. So devoted to Ike is she, Bobbi is fully willing to cause her own meltdown if it mean giving Dalton a suitably gooey end.
Virtually everything that makes a Tales From The Crypt episode great is fully present and correct in “Forever Ambergris”. There’s the randomly eclectic cast that seem like a blindfolded casting director is pulling names out of a hat; there’s that strong sense of ironic justice that doles out merciless punishment to an impressive piece of shit; and both the nudity and gore are utilised to its fullest as even the vast boundaries of the Crypt are soundly tested by the grotesqueries on show here. But best of all, the episode does all this while delivering something different from the usual serving of duplicitous wives and supernatural goings on. While Gary Fleder’s “Seance” played the Crypt hits while turning up the gore, “Forever Ambergris” allows him to try something completely out of the Crypt Keeper’s wheelhouse as the tale of duelling combat photographers proves to give things a unique edge.
So let’s look at that cast first, and if you can think of anywhere else you would find The Who’s Roger Daltrey, Reservoir Dogs’ Steve Buscemi and Krull’s Lysette Anthony in the same room, I’d very much like to hear about it. Obviously, Daltrey had been in films before (Tommy and McVicar being the most obvious), but his rough english accent actually makes the war-savvy Dalton take on almost a washed-up rock star feel as he laments that his best days are behind him. In comparison, Buscemi hasn’t got much else to do but make goo-goo eyes at him and wear some decidedly heavy duty prosthetics, but he manages to be likable enough not to deserve the truly excruciating fate his idol has in store for him. Finally, Anthony impresses as a wife who is far more devoted than anyone could dream of, and the trio work well together as fate conspires to give all three of them a hideous end.
The combat photographer angle proves to be a refreshing change and it also means we get Marshall Bell as a grizzled merc, but the most famous thing about the episode is inevitably how far it pushes the gore thanks to the graphic meltdowns each of the cast members have to endure. Buscemi arguably gets is the worst, as he experiences a complete body breakdown that sees his eyeball pop clean out of his head and his skin liquify before a hail of bullets mercifully ends his ordeal. However, later on when Bobbi puts her murder/suicide plan in action, thick, bulbous, Scanners-style veins pop out on her arching back as she has sex with her victim, nailing that sex/death jackpot that the show often does so well. Finally, after Dalton realises that his goose has been well and truly cooked (or melted), the episode finally ends with the lead singer of The Who screaming into a mirror as his entire nose drops off into the sink leaving a cavernous hole in the centre of his face. Yes, Tales From The Crypt has always been extreme, but Fleder can take solace in the fact that he may have taken the gore-happy show further than anyone else before or since. Quite the achievement.
As an added bonus, “Forever Ambergris” means that, along with fellow season five premiere episodes, “Death Of Some Salesmen” and “As Ye Sow”, we’ve probably have had the strongest season opening since the very first one, which is actually quite the feat when you consider some of the installments it puts them in contention with. In fact, the start of this season has been so strong, I’m curious to see how (or in fact, if) the show can keep it up. One thing’s for certain, if any subsequent episode can somehow match this one for gross-out value, I’d be curious to know what the heads of HBO we smoking back in ’93 in order to let such awesomely deranged stuff smear itself all over our TV screens on a weekly basis.
Season 5’s absurdly strong start continues with one of the most infamous episodes in the show’s history. Taking its concept and gore to the absolute limit “Forever Ambergris” seals its credentials as one of the best the Crypt has to offer. And one thing’s for certain, as a flesh dissolving virus causes Roger Daltrey to melt to his death – he won’t be fooled again.
Cue guitars.
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Where to watch Tales From The Crypt – Season 5, Episode 3: Forever Ambergris: