Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022) – Review

Can someone please tell me why someone thought it was a good idea to try and reboot the Jeepers Creepers franchise? There are many reasons why trying to revive the Creeper before his 23 year nap has ended would be an incredibly silly thing to try, least of all because the director of the original trilogy was outed as a convicted paedophile. But even beyond that, the times of the Creeper were obviously numbered as the last installment (released in 2017) seemed to suggest that even the man who birthed the truck driving, flesh eating, wing flapping demon had no idea how to present his creation anymore – especially on a noticably reduced budget. Still, production on a reboot that nobody asked for continued with Iron Sky’s Timo Vuorensola at the helm; but could the man who put Nazis on the moon do justice to one of horrors most controversial monsters – or should the Creeper been left to sleep in indefinitely?

Welcome to Jeepers Creepers reboot land where it’s off-handedly suggested that even though the Creeper is a well known urban legend in real life, the three movies featuring Jonathan Breck in the title role are all merely movies much like they tried in Book Of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 and Human Centipede II (and we all know how that worked out for them). After an opening scene that quickly remakes the first third of the first movie with the speeding truck, the bodies in the pipe and the fanous BEATINGU number plate all complete but with a far older pair, we’re introduced to millennial couple Chase and Laine as they head toward the Horror Hound festival in rural Louisiana. While Laine is all about hard science, Chase is a massive fan of the paranormal and legitimately believes the legends of the Creeper to be true, but despite their differences, both have rather sweet secrets to share. Laine has discovered that she’s pregnant, but unbeknownst to her, Chase is planning to propose to her even though a horror festival filled with killer clowns and gasmasks might not be the best time to do it.
Speaking of unfortunate timing, the Creeper – who is, in fact, real) has recently awakened from a lengthy slumber and like most of us who wake up grouchy, is eager to grab himself a snack ASAP. However, while the Creeper we previously knew was quite self sufficient, this version seems to have a cult all of his own who is keeping an eye out for his best interests and they have their eye on Laine – or more specifically, what’s growing in her belly. Before you know it, she’s won a raffle that sees her and her boyfriend whisked away to an abandoned plantation house that’s been turned into an escape room along with a small crew to document it for the event. Of course, it doesn’t take long for everyone to realise  that this is nothing more than an all you can eat buffet set up for the Creeper until he can get his claws on the main course.

Despite the incredibly distressing scandal that surrounded the director of the previous trilogy, the first Jeepers Creepers was actually an impressively unpredictable monster mash, but once the secret was out, good taste should have demanded that the franchise should have been stopped in its tracks even before the quality of the movies waned. However, that didn’t stop the reboot from happening but even with the problematic element removed, that doesn’t mean you’re automatically gking to get a good film. In fact, as callous as this is for me to say, if the only postive thing your reboot has over a previous trilogy is that it hasn’t been directed by a convicted paedophile, then you are in big fucking trouble.
Simply put, Jeepers Creepers Reborn isn’t just bad, it’s one of those movies where virtually every scene makes you wonder if the entire movie was actually some kind of tax scheme made entirely to hang onto the rights or something. To be honest, they shouldn’t have bothered, because this it one reboot where literally every single creative decision that’s been made is so much worse than what cake before, it somehow makes the dire Jeepers Creepers 3 seem halfway competent in comparison. For a start, the production values are shockingly bad with some painfully obvious green screen night shots being comparable to the roof scenes in Tommy Wiseau’s The Room and the movie eventually holding the last third of the movie inside an abandoned plantation house which makes no sense thematically seeing as one of the antagonists most famous abilities is to fly. Of course, there isn’t much in the budget for much flying regardless and while the original Creeper seemed forged from the Wes Craven Book Of Iconic Villain Design, Reborn systematically drains every bit of interesting right out of him. The design is off, the hat is weird and the swaggering confidence that Jonathan Breck brought to the sneering gargoyle is lost in Jarreau Benjamin’s replacement take which just sees him more as a snarling beast with all the character of a popped crisp packet.

Still, he’s still more interesting than the characters he’s chasing who are so bland, I’m amazed that The Creeper would have a palette that unrefined. I mean, the cameoing Dee Wallace and Gary Graham cameos are fine although I’m not sure why they’re here, but everybody else delivers the same, poorly managed performances that you usually get in poorly constructed genre pieces. Sydney Craven manages to do something with her role despite having to endure a montage of her dressing up as, among other things, a sexy Harley Quinn (yay) and a sexy Freddy Krueger (uh, what?). Imran Adams on the other hand weirdly chooses to play his nerdy character in a near-constant state of hysteria even when he isn’t getting bothered by a winged man-eater in a second hand coat – but even he manages to still me more consistent than everybody else.
Yet another issue that ruins an already useless installment is that even though the filmmakers are dead set on adding new wrinkles to the Creeper mythos such as a cult who worships him, his need to obtain Laine’s unborn child and a strange white crow that seemingly has a special connection with the creature. But once again the movie well and truly screws the pooch by choosing to explain precisely none of it presumably in the aim to try and make things seem more mysterious. However, even though a large part of the Creeper’s appeal was how many baffling questions the original movie gleefully threw up (such as who taught the Creeper to drive), these new issues seem decidedly plot specific and just not clearing things up smacks or either laziness or incompetence.

Still, I guess we should really be thankful – because after a stinker like this, I’ll be stunned if the Creeper is ever able to rise ever again, let alone the allotted 23 years and maybe its just better for everyone that this problematic franchise is just allowed to die an ingnominous death. And if you’re still undecided, remember this: this movie couldn’t even get the rights to the famous, 1930s Jeepers Creepers song and instead of just skipping it, tries to make up its own version that may just be the most awful thing I’ve ever heard. Keep your peepers well away.
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