Fresh from trying to drive Bob Hoskins insane in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and before he lept into the mind scrambling time travel of Back To The Future II, Robert Zemeckis decided to give himself the ultimate pallet cleaner from gibbering Toons and paradoxical farces and deliver a good old killer Santa adventure. But while Tales From The Crypt was always a show willing to take risks (Explicit gore! Nudity! Endless dad-jokes!), having Zemekis tackle And All Though The House could have fallen flatter that trampled down snow.
For a start, despite the fact that this was a frost coasted seasonal episode complete with Christmas songs, decorated trees and a maniacal St. Nick, the episode was released in June, arguably the least Christmasy time that ever could exist. Secondly, An All Through The House had already been adapted by Freddie Francis in the 1972 Amicus anthology of the infamous EC Comic. However, despite being screen at the wrong time of year and being ostensibly a remake, Zemeckis managed to produce something of a Christmas cracker.
As you’ve not doubt already surmised, it’s Christmas Eve, and we join philandering housewife, Elizabeth, as she tries to get her excitable child, Carrie Anne, into bed despite the little tyke being obsessed with catching Santa in the act. However, once Carrie Anne is finally down for the night, Elizabeth moves on to more serious matters at hand, such as murdering her wealthy husband, Joseph, with a poker in order to score an insurance payout. With the deed done, all Elizabeth has to do now is move the body in order to disguise the fact that she bashed his brains in in cold blood, but as she drags Joseph’s corpse out the house to towards a well located on their property, she misses some vital information on the radio that will change the entire mood of the evening.
It seems that an escape lunatic from the nearby Pleasantville Institute for the Criminally Insane is on the prowl in the area and has been celebrating his freedom by killing women with an axe. Also, to make things extra festive, he’s stolen a Santa Claus suit from the house of one of his victims in order to really get into the festive spirit. Catching Elizabeth in the act of disposing of her husbands body, the manic and the murderous housewife dance a nail biting dance of cat and mouse as each try to out maneuver each other before the authorities arise – but ever the opportunist, Elizabeth realises if she can hold her attacker off long enough, she can blame her husband’s murder on the psycho Santa and seem even more innocent.
However, you can make as many on-the-fly plans as you want, fate – and a hyper little girl who’ll do anything to meet Santa – will piss on your plans all night long…
When you consider the torturous nature of a production that saw you have to realise cartoon characters in the real world prior to CGI, it’s no fucking wonder that Robert Zemeckis dived into the world of pulpy, EC Comics to take a quick breather from large amounts of visual effects and as a result, And All Through The House proves to be one of my favorite episodes in Tales From The Crypt history. I’ve alfeady mentioned how the initial three episodes of the first season really brought feature-film levels of talent to its 22 minute episodes with Walter Hill delivering the first, and Richard Donner delivering the third, but when it comes to offering up a nail biting slice of seasonal slasher, Zemeckis goes all in and brings some familiar collaborators with him. Not only is the score delivered by Alan Silvestri or Predator and Back To The Future fame, but providing some playful cinematography is none other than the famed Dean Cundey who was a frequent name of the credits of films by Steven Spielberg, John Carpenter and – of course – Zemeckis. The fact that all three of these guys go all in on crafting a zippy little horror flick that goes all out in delivering the type of thrills and spills you usually get in the last twenty minutes of a cheesy slasher.
Watching world-class cinematic talent rolling up their sleeves and enthusiastically going to town on a genre that some might consider “beneath” them proves to whip up something that’s utterly spectacular and hilariously camp to boot. Sticking Mary Ellen Trainor (Zemeckis’ wife at the time) front and centre proves to be a master stroke as the woman who is most famous for being Martin Riggs’ long suffering therapist gets the tone perfectly as she rushes about the place, faffing around with lost keys and problematic bodies, while clad chiefly in a luxurious red nightie and a black puffer jacket.
Aiding her (sort of) is Marshall Bell who does a superlative job of playing a worryingly realistic looking corpse for at least 90% of the episode after catching the business end of a poker in the bonce almost immediately after the episode’s opening credit end. However, props have to be given to pre-Darkman and Dr. Giggles Larry Drake, who put his nice-guy portrayal of Benny Stulwicz in LA Law on hold to impressively inhabit arguably my favorite killer Santa in horror history. Simply put, he looks magnificent; with his bulging, crossed eyes, scratched face and a set of jumbled, tombstone looking teeth that look like an earth tremor just reshuffled a graveyard, he treads that fine line of looking legitimately terrifying and ludicrously exaggerated.
However, possibly the greatest thing about And All Through The House is the fact is that it’s ridiculously exciting in a way that you didn’t usually find on television back in the late 80s. Essentially one long Hitchcockian set piece that sees Elizabeth’s night get ever more out of control the longer it goes on for, Zemeckis throws in multiple mcguffins to keep track of (wayward keys, an axe, an out-of-reach gun) and tons of obstacles to trip up our determined anti-heroine that includes locked doors, unhelpful police, a dead body that just won’t cooperate and a daughter who means well, but who ultimately causes disaster when her excitement for Father Christmas leads to certain doom for her murderous mother. It’s all edge of the seat stuff and it’s made all the more fun that it’s a bunch of Hollywood heavyweights being allowed to play in a genre they don’t usually (Cundey excluded thanks to Halloween II) get to play in.
While I’m not suggesting that Tales From The Crypt peaked ridiculously early, And All Through The House not only stands as a kickass serving of holidays related havoc, but is a perfect example of how established directors could use it to play around in genres they weren’t usually known for. For example, who would have guesses that one of the greatest slasher Santas of all time would have come from the guy who gave us Roger Rabbit. Actually, scratch that – after remembering what Judge Doom did to that squeaking shoe, it makes perfect sense.
Naughty or nice? Why not both?
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