With the recent footage of the new Syfy series of Chucky, it seems like horror’s most favorite plaything has still a long ways yet from being abandoned at a jumble sale. So as the orginal plotline of the Child’s Play franchise is set to continue in October (no lumpy headed remake Chucky here), we thought it was the perfect time to break down some of the most vicious murders caused by the killer formally known as Charles Lee Ray before the malevolent Good Guy finally makes his small screen bow and proves once and for all that he really is our friend to the end.
5) Melt Dealt Felt (Seed Of Chucky – 2004)
Chucky’s fifth outing doesn’t get a lot of love in general despite the film debuting the gender confused Glen/Glenda to Chucky’s twisted family unit, but one moment that stands out is the gloopy demise of trashy paparazzi Pete Peters who’s played by cult guru and bad taste enthusiast John Walter’s. After snapping Chucky earlier while he was, uh, tugging his toggle in Jennifer Tilly’s Hollywood home, the devil doll and his reluctant child head over to the photographer’s studio in order to teach him/her the finer points of murder.
However, as Chucky prepares to lunge and give the scumbag the stabbing of a lifetime, the newsman who has a moral streak as thin as his moustache is shocked by Glen’s/Glenda’s appearance and backs into a shelf which leads to a full Jar of acid to crash over his head causing him to melt faster than a Cornetto lodged in John Candy’s armpit.
Reduced to having the completion of an overcooked Nando’s, Pete slowly expires as Chucky takes a photo to celebrate like a proud papa should.
4) Shave And A Throat Cut… Two Bits (Child’s Play 3 -1991)
It’s strange that another murder makes the list that’s from an entry that’s hardly beloved by fans, but the death of Andrew Robinson’s sadistic military barber is perversely satisfying.
Spending his days prowling through the lunch halls of Kent Miltary Academy yanking on the shaggier manes of the students to see if they need an appointment, professional jackhole Sergeant Botnick likes to end his shearings with his trademark catchphrase “Presto, You’re bald!”.
However, after finding a seemingly lifeless Chucky doll, he inexplicably desides to shave it presumably because doesn’t get out much, I guess, but his blissful ignorance that the doll contains the soul of a serial killer catches up to him when the Chuckster springs to life and uses a straight razor to open the Sargent’s throat like a tin of beans.
“Presto, you’re dead!” is the pathological plaything’s callous remark as Botnick claws at his gushing neck.
3) Eye Ball Guy Maul (Child’s Play 2 – 1990)
Working in the Good Guy factory should come with hazard pay the size of a lottery win when earlier in the second movie, a faceless drone is fried from the inside out after getting electrocuted by a newly rebuilt Chucky. However, his death is a relaxing vacation in the Caribbean compared what happens to his equally hapless workmates during the climax.
While Chucky stalks little Andy Barclay and abopted sister Kyle around the Good Guy factory, a maintenance guy gets off his rapidly expanding duff to see what all the hubbub is about to clear a blockage in one of the conveyor belts. However, the worker learns the true cost of overtime when Chucky slashes at his face with a knife causing him to fall into the section of the machinery that planks the eyes into the doll’s empty sockets and before you can yell “Health and Safety” the poor fucker has had his own peepers squishily replaced with the staring blue orbs of a Good Guy. Better make that Date Of Last Accident board back to zero and get the Union rep on the phone, I guess….
2) If You Like It Then You’d Better Stick A Pin In It (Bride Of Chucky – 1998)
Chucky’s claimed a fair amount of famous faces over the course of the franchise with everyone from the aforementioned Andrew Robinson to Redman falling before the one time Lakeshore Strangler and his family, but surely the most surprise is the appearance of the late great John Ritter from Three’s Company as an asshole chief of police who is trying to split up the two human leads of Ronny Yu’s Bride Of Chucky.
His attempt to cockblock the young couple by planting a bag of weed in their van backfires spectacularly when both Chucky and Tiffany rig a gadget to blow a fistful of big-ass nails directly into his screaming face.
“Why does that look so familiar?” Openly wonders Chucky in the wake of this Hellraiser-style facial.
1) Teacher’s Terminal Time Out (Child’s Play 2 – 1990)
There’s far more gorier deaths in the Child’s Play franchise (axe to the mouth in Curse Of Chucky), far more sinister (hammer in the eye in the original movie) and far more drawn out ones too (the lawnmower death and it’s endless ramifications in the Child’s Play remake) but there’s something about the brutal end of grouchy teacher Ms. Kettlewell that’s so perfectly Child’s Play.
When little Alex Vincent flees school after Chucky lands him in detention for writing profanity on his school work, the cantankerous biddy thinks her wayward student is hiding in her closet, however, on closer inspection she finds out the hard way that the intruder is, in fact, our resident red headed, evil little shit who makes his presence known by stabbing a basketball pump right in her midsection. Writhing in agony from this violent attack of trapped air, Kettlewell watches in horror as Chucky strides into full few brandishing a wooden meter ruler that he thwacks nastily into the palm of his plastic hand.
“You’ve been very naughty Ms. Kettlewell.” Sneers the murderous fucker as Graeme Revell’s awesome Chucky theme ominously plays in the background, “Time to take your medicine.”
The camera then cuts to a view outside the window as the wooden stick is brought down on her unseen body again and again. It’s incredibly spiteful, unnecessarily brutal and for my money probably the murder most characteristic to the doll that’s caused more chaos than Cabbage Patch Dolls and Buzz Lightyear christmas sales combined.