Be warned! The cinematic moments you are about to relive are not for the faint of heart and those with delicate constitutions are advised to steer well clear of this article.
No, seriously, if you’re the easily offended type and yet for some reason you’re reading an article about Evil Dead’s most fucked up shit (what’s wrong with you), I’d seriously log out right now, because in honor of the iminent release of the gloriously sadistic Evil Dead Rise, we’re trawling through the most vile, upsetting and most awesomely messed up moments the franchise has to offer.
So void your stomachs and have a vomit bag on stand by – it’s time to look those gibbering, spiteful Deadite square in their milky-white eyes and utter in a horse voice – “Come get some.”
Fasten your safety belts, people, this is gonna be rough.
5) Deadite Speak With Forked Tongue (Evil Dead – 2011)
There’s no shortage of jaw dropping carnage in Fede Alvarez’s 2011 remake of Sam Raimi’s classic, but for all the severed arms, nail gunned faces and crowbarred digits, the moment that’s stands out the most for me is possibly one of the most jarring acts of self-mutilation seen in a modern, wide release horror movie.
Finding herself locked in the cellar with a possessed Mia for no other reason than she’s a fucking idiot, Natalie comes face to ravaged face with her boyfriend messed-up sister and tries to ward her away by waving a box cutter in a threatening manner. Bad mistake, because Deadites aren’t particularly known to threaten easily and in a blink of an eye she’s disarmed (deliberate pun considering what happens to her later) and now she’s trapped in a cellar with a possessed woman who now has a box cutter. However, instead of unleashing some physical pain on her victim, Mia opts for the psychological option and instead slowly slices her own tongue in half as Natalie (not to mention us) watches on in absolute horror. If this monumental act of self-inflicted brutality wasn’t enough, the Deadite, ever the showman, drags the cowering woman close for a bloody French kiss to make the repulsive act complete.
If this wasn’t impressive enough, the fact that the shot where Mia bifurcates her oral appendage became the money shot for the trailer speaks ghastly volumes.
4) A Bun In The Oven (Ash Vs. Evil Dead S3 Ep5: Baby Proof – 2018)
Taking a more jokey, Evil Dead 2 approach to its violent acts of “splatstick”, Ash Vs. Evil Dead nevertheless wasn’t about to let the franchise’s shift to television slow it down and the first of two entries on this list tries hard to offend and amuse in equal measure.
To set the scene, Ash has broken into the lair of former Dark One, Ruby and stumbles across the fruits her plan to usurp his Chosen One status in the form of a monstrous baby. However, after the terrible tyke beheads its unwilling nurse maid/meal, Natalie, it strives to go toe to toe with its mortal enemy by gaining sentence to the body via the vagina, and then puppets the damn thing from within in order to even up the odds. As mind melting as this is, things get even more fucked up when the demon baby pokes its tiny head out of the body’s neck stump to laugh at its understandably stunned opponent – however, the insanity doesn’t end there. Trying to switch things up, the brutal baby pops its head out of the “other” entrance (you know, the one he entered through), pilots its ride to perform a hand stand and tries to batter our hero with the corpse’s feet. I’m not sure if the censors were asleep at the wheel when this episode aired, but bless the man who check-read the script, shrugged and went “Yeah, sure. Film it.”.
3) Penciling It In (The Evil Dead – 1981)
In a list that seems to contain way more squelching orrifices than I’d originally banked on, a simple stabbing with a pencil seems weirdly tame considering how highly this moment is ranked – however it where its stabbed that well and truly hurts.
After a long, harrowing night of tree rape (more on that later – unfortunately), Cheryl nervously peers out of the cabin window as her friends goof about, but while Linda and Shelly play an annoying card guessing game, Ash goes through a mysterious tape recording in order to get to the bottom of all the weirdness plaguing his sister.
He gets quite the answer when a white-eyed Cheryl suddenly whips round to show that she’s caught a nasty case of demonic possession and proceeds to levitate and spewing creepy death threats before collapsing in a heap. As Ash and Linda slowly creep forward to see if she’s okay, Cheryl repaids their concern by grabbing a nearby pencil and plunging it deep into Linda’s ankle and then gives it a spiteful twist, just for good measure. In a movie full of outlandish gore and beheadings, there’s something nauseating real about this bout of ankle abuse that never fails to have me subconsciously recoiling in a fit of uncontrollable squeamishness.
2) Take It To The Hole (Ash Vs. Evil Dead S2 Ep2: The Morgue – 2016)
Somehow, this showstopping moment from Ash Vs. Evil Dead’s second season only made it to number two on the list – but then I guess it’s fitting considering that it chiefly concerns the hole that number two comes out of.
While searching for that pesky Necronomicon that’s been stashed somewhere within the Elk Grove morgue, bumbling demon slayer Ash is stunned when the body cavity he’s searching suddenly fights back as the corpse’s internal organs suddenly come alive with the intestines and colon whipping around like a snake with serious IBS. However, this is only the tip of the grotesque iceberg as the intestines grab Ash by the throat like a tentacle and drag him kicking and screaming toward the corpe’s still-farting butthole…
Arguably the funniest, most extreme moment Evil Dead has ever produced, Bruce Campbell deserves some sort of congratulatory Emmy for the literal shit he goes through here as the moment is played for maximum grossness. As Ash’s head shlorps through the dead body’s anal canal (screaming “I’m in the butt!” all the way), the detail is excruciating – behold the huge pierced penis that drips black goo Ash has to pass before his haunted face peers out of the autopsy incision made in the corpses stomach – and matter are made even more gut busting when our panicking hero starts lunging around the room essentially wearing a human sphincter as a new tie.
Magnificent.
1) Tree Of Woe (The Evil Dead – 1981)
It was always going to be this – the single, most disturbing moment of Sam Raimi’s original classic that still has the power to shock and offend all these years later.
After heading out into the woods after hearing a strange noise (hey, it’s 1981, cut her some slack, yeah?) Cheryl Williams finds that her weekend retreat is going to take a far more harrowing turn when the vines and branches of numerous trees suddenly come alive and entwine her in their life-like grip. Yanking her brutally to the floor, while they rip her clothes and lash her body, we all look on in horror as the vines forcefully part her legs – “Surely” we think “The filmmakers aren’t going to do what I think they’re going to do, are they?”. Well, they do and when that branch violently enters the frame thanks to some truly unpleasant reverse photography, we all gasped in unison as a bunch of film students from Michigan started smashing taboos.
Even now, it’s a rough scene to endure – especially considering the goofier nature of Evil Dead 2 and Army Of Darkness – but considering The Evil Dead’s impish desire to shock and repulse in order to fulfill its promise of being the self proclaimed “Ultimate Experience In Gruelling Horror” it’s perversely fitting. Years later, the scene was given a retread in the spirited remake, but even though it remained a fittingly uncomfortable watch (the violating branch since replaced with slug-like wad of black goo), there’s still no beating the original for pure gasp-out-loud value.
Evil Dead Rise should be hitting cinema screens as you read this.
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