I think it’s a fair comment to state that Dean R. Koontz hasn’t quite had the same luck as Stephen King when it comes to book adaptations. While the Maine man was seeing his novels get translated into movies and miniseries by the likes of Brian DePalma, Tobe Hooper, John Carpenter and Stanley Kubrick, Koontz had to settle for something of a lower class of film to translate his stories. Ranging from the bizarre (A.I. rape movie Demon Seed), to the highly mockable (Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms, yo), Koontz’s works never really seemed to translate as well despite his novels having a far more cinematic feel to them that his more famous peer.
However, one movie of his that I’m curiously fond of was Watchers, an 1988 horror that unavoidably sounds like a fever dream when you describe it out loud. I mean, where else could you find a movie where Corey Haim adopts a sad-eyed golden retriever while fending off both a shaggy, biological killing machine and a gleefully overacting Michael Ironside?
While leaving a sneaky rendezvous with his girlfriend, precocious youth Travis Cornell head back to his truck to avoid being caught by a disgruntled father only to find a golden retriever sitting in the back. When his attempts to shoo the dog away prove to be futile, Travis decides to adopt the mutt and despite naming his new four legged friend Fur Face and immediately feeding him chocolate(!) a bond is formed. However, this particular doggo comes with a few negative points and I’m not talking about him shedding on the furniture – you see, Fur Face is an escaped laboratory guinea pig created to be one half an ultimate weapon. The idea is that the little woofer has been granted an incredible amount of intelligence in order to infiltrate behind enemy lines and even be taken in by the target thats to some big, adorable eyes. However, the downside is that he’s telepathically linked to the OXCOM, a clinically insane hybrid monster that looks like a werewolf Wookie with mange that will kill anything in its path as it makes its way to rendezvous with the dog – and kill it.
Yes, the experiment may have been terribly flawed, but as soon as both creatures hit the ground running after their lab blew up, the body count steadily rose as anyone who spends any time with Fur Face ends up having either their eyes torn out or their head ripped off (dealers choice). Of course Travis is blissfully unaware of all this until he finds out that his girlfriend’s father has been fatally mauled and she’s been carted off to parts unknown by super intense NSO Agent, Lem Johnson.
After the OXCOM has seemingly killed roughly 30% of human beings in the area (including a young Jason Priestley), Travis finally realises that his new best pal is being hunted and flees with Fur Face and his mother to make his final stand. Every dog may have its day, but OXCOMs are a fairly hardy breed too when it comes to the crunch.
I strongly suspect that I haven’t held a lot of Watchers’ more obvious faults against it simply because I first watched it at a rather formative time in my life and I responded fairly well to its rather strange tone. You see, despite the flick having quite obvious monster movie credentials and features some moments of rather nasty gore, it actually carries with it something of a low-rent Spielbergian feel that, if you removed the eye gouging and head ripping, could actually pass as an E.T. riffing family movie that feels like The Littlest Hobo meets Predator. However, as fun as that mash-up may sound, Watchers can’t quite capitalise on the wholesome stuff or the scary bits to excel in either subject and instead remains something of a quirky oddity that bounces between wholesome and gruesome at the drop of a hat. I will say, however, that Koontz’s central concept is as sound as a pound and the way it subverts the classic boy-and-his-dog tropes is actually fairly interesting and Watchers: The Movie primarily stands or falls on your tolerances for both Corey Haim and iffy, rubber monster suits.
Haim at the time was still riding high from The Lost Boys and essentially plays the same role here as he swans around in ripped jeans and massively blown out hair despite supposedly being a more salt-of-the-earth kinda kid. But even though no one could do a face drop quite like him (the moment he spies the NSO through a window is a fucking picture), there’s a slight nagging doubt that his helium voice and his movie brat credentials make him feel like he’s been somewhat miscast like someone’s hired Michael Cera to play Wolverine. Still, despite being more out of place than a tomato-shaped ketchup bottle in a Chinese restaurant, his precocious charisma serves him in good stead when he bonds with the dog who, with its sad eyes and it’s ability to type, play Scrabble and tell former US presidents apart, tends to scamper off with the movie.
Looking far more at home is the feral grin of Michael Ironside who is both on exposition and secondary human villian duties – two roles he attacks with gusto as a sinister NSO Agent. Spouting guff about animal experiments and perfect weapons, he’s also liable to put your head through a car side window and shred you throat on the broken glass to perpetuate a flimsy cover up when his barely visible mask slips and he proves to be a far more fascinating foe than the OXCOM itself (also dubbed the Outsider in the book) who noticably suffers from budget restraints.
While the creature is built up to be an unstoppable badass that tears through its victims like wet toilet paper, in reality it’s just a guy lumbering around awkwardly in what looks like a bulky bear costume. While you can’t deny the OXCOM’s handywork as it mutilates its way through the supporting cast (amusingly including a teen Jason Priestley), the editor furiously cuts the attacks to try and hide the fact that the creature performer probably couldn’t see or move particularly well and that this unstoppable killing machine can be fended off by a kid with a flaming torch. It’s a shame, because flying just underneath the radar is quite a tragic backstory for the misshapen beast as it’s laden with human insecurities that could have made it a memorable foe if we had a creature design that could have held up longer on screen than a second. Ironside tells us that it’s insane and there’s clues here and there of Frankenstein’s Monster levels of self loathing (it’s constantly breaking mirrors and clawing out eyes because it’s ashamed to be seen) and tantalising hints that it’s desperate to kill Fur Face because it’s jealous that the adorable mutt gets all the love it’s being denied.
As it stands, Watchers feels both like a missed opportunity and a fun, cheesy 80s creature feature that drinks from the family movie trough (cute dog, hero fights evil monster with his mum) while swigging hard from the flask marked horror (mutilations, kid victims, Michael Ironside smiling). Modern viewers may insist that it’s more obvious failings signify that it be taken to the pound and put down; however, I’ve always been inexplicably fond of it even if its original author probably wanted it to roll over and play dead…
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