We’re edging ever closer to race day, and as every competitor knows, it’s probably best to get some prep work in, hone the old skills and embark on a random side mission to accumulate as many lethal weapons as you probably can. That’s the mindset behind Twisted Metal’s fourth episode as it once again carries us just short of the spectacle we’re dying to witness, but instead takes a bit more time to pad things out before we get that fateful green light. Usually I’d be mad, but unlike the first season which had no central tournament to speak of, we know that it’s coming in Season 2 and every side mission and detour is somehow only serving to make me even more excited.
But while the last episode threw out weird and wonderful new characters in the messed up forms of Mr. Grimm and Axel, LZGTBZY chooses to focus on some old friends eveb and rekindle some romance. Oh, and an orgy. There’s a big old fucking orgy in this one…
With only one day left until Calypso’s tournament, the gang of John, Quiet, Dollface and Mayhem arrive for a quick pitstop at Diesel City, a fume-filled place of commerce where you can barter for cool shit or just stock up on some real, destructive weaponry. However, as our group is broke as shit, they’ve decided to perform some sort of make shift heist that will see John and Quiet suited and booted while disguised as Insider dignitaries visiting from some of the Mega-Cities. Despite John getting distracted by how clear his glasses makes his sight and Quiet adopting a truly hideous Irish accent, the two get by the guards and into the inner sanctum of The Emperor, who wiles away his days actively trying to out-debauch Caligula.
While all this is going on, Dollface is trying to find a way to open the weapons vault so her companions can get inside but this proves to be difficult for two reasons: The first is that Diesel City has a sizable cadre of snipers lurking in the rafters to ensure no violence of any kind occurs within the walls – but the second is that over stimulated psycho Sweet Tooth has found a way round this by buying a sweet Dracula cape that allows him to snap necks while being obscured by his new fashion accessory. However after seeing Dollface’s masked form infiltrate the restricted areas of Diesel City, Sweet Tooth believes he might have found someone who understands him on a level few will – or at least he does until they both find an EMP superweapon on their travels and start brawling to obtain it.
Meanwhile, despite managing to infiltrate the Emperor’s inner circle, John and Quiet discover that the meeting is to signify the rather sizable orgy that’s about to begin and to get to the vault door, they’re going to have to simulate some wild shit in order to pass unnoticed. However, little do they know that their previously smothered passion will soon ignite and put the entire mission at risk…
Even with the return of Sweet Tooth backing it up, I have to say that LZGTBZY can’t quite measure up to the geek-gasm that the previous episode managed to pull off after skillfully introducing two fan favorite figures from the games in ways that were exceptionally awesome. I also have to say that we’re now so close to the tournament I can practically fucking taste it, and so another side mission episode is taking the show dangerously close to the breaking point when it comes to our collective patience. However, despite the fact that it’s admittedly way past time for the show to finally give us what we’ve all been waiting for, this seemingly unnecessary installment still manages to win us over with that trademark, fucked up charm it constantly has loaded in the chamber.
Simply put, on the surface the whole episode is nothing more than a glorified ammo run that serves to not only throw in a bit more world building at no extra charge and get Sweet Tooth back in the show – however, scratch a little bit beneath the surface and among the cape jokes and squishy orgy bits, we find another episode that’s put together to further build upon the central relationship between Quiet and John. While you’d think that the second episode already took care of this, while their surface level friendship had admittedly been restored, this one is a fairly complicated way to get the pair back to being lovers thanks to the show getting a sizable rise in sex. In fact, the big reveal that John and Quiet have accidently found themselves signed up for a big, fat, mass-fucking feels likes something right out of Garth Ennis’ Preacher (original comic or TV adaptation, take your pick), but it does fit the R-rated aesthetic of the show, it’s kind of weird that we’d delay our journey to the main race just to nudge our main protagonists into making the beast with two backs. Still, once the joke gets going, it manages to contain some fairly funny instances of physical comedy, such as Mackie and Beatriz having to mime various sexual positions as they make their way across the room (doggy style and missionary, in case you were wondering) and a moment where quiet guts a guard while pulling a seductive pose also nails that perverse tome the show cultivates.
However, while it’s good to see the two finally hook up again in a burning room (beats a ballpit I suppose…), it’s not really a strong enough plot to carry an episode. Thankfully, the show decides to hit the emergency button marked “Sweet Tooth” and once again it’s the clown who successfully draws focus from the fact that Jon Daly’s Emperor is a fairly weak character and that watching a comedy heist isn’t exactly what we want from the show right now. Still, watching the Samoa Joe/Will Arnett fusion never gets old, especially when he’s so childishly excited to be buying weapons to the point where Stu has to be the responsible one in the relationship and try and parent his burly, murderous pal who just wants to blow his allowance on cool shit.
But while the constantly distracted Sweeth Tooth finds himself attracted to Dollface and even joins her on her Mission: Impossible-esque task, it kind of feels like the show is finally spinning it’s wheels in a way that I just can’t quite forgive. Still, at least it’s making sure that Stu manages to score his first massacre and Mayhem has more of a use other than just being a bratty tagalong – I mean, yes, that’s exactly who the character is supposed to be, but the fact thst she’s incredibly adept at recon work and even secures John and Quiet the passes they need means that they’re solidifying the quartet into something that should prove to be quite emotional if it’s played right.
It says a lot for how enjoyable a show has become that it can still be lots of filthy fun while basically offering up a filler episode when you’re actually salivating at the prospect of something huge – after all, we didnt tune in to watch people getting fucked, we tuned in to watch them getting fucked up. However, with full, unadulterated carnage promised for the next episode, there’s a genuine complaint that LZGTBZY maybe just isn’t busy enough.
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