Righteous Kill (2008) – Review

It’s an inescapable fact that nobody’s perfect. Think of your most cherished cinematic idol and chances are they screwed the pooch at least one time in their careers and delivered a,product that they’re probably not entirely proud of. For example, James Cameron practically disowns Piranha II entirely and voicing a planet eating robot in Transformers: The Movie probably didn’t equal making Citizen Kane in the mind of Orson Welles. However, while I’m more than willing to give both of those undisputed legends a pass due to the fact that the sources of their embarrassment have major camp value, I’m less inclined to offer the same courtesy to Robert De Niro and Al Pacino after wading through their risible 2008 thriller, Righteous Kill.
Lest we forget, the last time we saw these two acting icons share a scene together, they were chatting in a coffe shop while placing the crown jewel in the flawless masterpiece that was Michael Mann’s Heat. Well, you liked Heat? Get ready for Tepid.

Detectives Turk and Rooster are a couple of hard boiled old timers who are rapidly getting disillusioned with scumbags managing to get away with unspeakable crimes on a technicality. The last straw occurs when it looks like a man who abused and murdered his girlfriend’s daughter is about to walk away scott free despite it being overwhelmingly obvious that the son of a bitch is guilty and so the hot headed Turk plants evidence that ensures that the guy is put away for life. From there, things rapidly go back to the ways they were – Turk continues to seethe at the way the world is while indulging in a sexually aggressive relationship with fellow detective Karen Corelli and Rooster goes on being the more cerebral and rational of the two.
However, it seems that there’s someone walking the streets who believes that crooks are getting off too easy too and a rash of murders kick in that sees various criminals who have dodged the law sudden meet their ends thanks to some well placed bullets and some cheeky poetry left by the lifeless bodies. Soon the killer gets the oddly un-catchy nickname “Poetry Boy” (come on guys, you can do better than that) and while Turk and Rooster do their best to figure him out, a pair of younger, more arrogant detectives a enlisted to aid them which only make Turk even more aggressive.
However, is that aggressiveness something we should be overlooking? As the story goes on, we sporadically flash forward time to a video of a battered Turk looking right at the camera and admitting that he’s actually Poetry Boy. But is everything what it seems? We know that Turk is a violent cop with rage issues and we also know that he’s fiddled with the path of justice before – but murder? With Rooster looking over matters with a much cooler eye, can we get to the bottom of what’s actually happening?

I get it. When it comes to actors selecting their roles, they can’t always guarantee that the finished project is worthy of them – however, the fact that both De Niro and Pacino managed to let Righteous Kill slip by their quality control simultaneously is nothing short of a fucking crime. Previous movies that featured two of the most hailed actors of their generation included the aforementioned Heat and even the freakin’ Godfather Part II, so to see such a combo breaker show up next to them on that list proves that nothing is sacred. It’s not even the fact that it doesn’t live up to those past greats that makes Righteous Kill so infuriating, it’s the fact that it’s also a terrible film, with terrible dialogue and a terrible script to go with it really sticks it in and twists it off. At times, the plot feels like it’s been written by an edgy, twentysomething right out of an intensive, two week screenwriters class that features clunky twists, unlikable characters, strange political and ludicrous tough-guy dialogue that all should have been smothered in the crib in the first rewrite (assuming it even got one).
Bottom line – if the dude who played Michael Corleone and the fella who breathed life into Jake LaMotta can’t make your dialogue sound halfway natural, then you’ve fucked up to an impressive degree, but beyond that, the script chooses to put an increasingly uncomfortable looking, 64 year-old De Niro into some awkward positions. While the thespian can do broiling rage in his sleep (which is kind of what he’s attempting here), the moments where he has to engage in a violent, sexual relationship with Carla Gugino kinky colleague feels weird and out of place. Conversely, Pacino gets it easy as he gets to mumble about chess and the infield fly rule in baseball as metaphors for life and policewoman that’s almost as tired as he visibly looks – but while both men try somewhat to polish this turd, their presence just can’t stop the stink from spreading.

It’s impossible not to feel bad for them, but you feel slightly better for the rest of the cast, who all can’t disguise the fact that they look pretty chuffed that they’re staring the screen with a pair of legends. John Leguizamo and Donnie Wahlberg go through the angry cop motions, Brian Dennehy does good shouty chief and Gugino manages to keep her dignity despite being treated rather unfortunately by a script that’s attempting to be things like “edgy” and “uncompromising”, but instead ends up feeling that it’s trying to overcompensate for something like a posturing lunkhead.
Even it’s attempt at nailing a ambitious twist collapses under the weight of a deeply uninteresting script and if you haven’t managed to guess what’s actually going on by the halfway mark then you’re either not trying or very possibly alseep. In an effort to keep the wool over our eyes for as long as possible, we’re treated to the repeated sight of Turk announcing his guilt on a weirdly grainy video recording that drops in at random points during the action. However, De Niro looks so utterly done with the film at this point, he just looks like he’s been hypnotised to read off of an autocue rather that laying down a controversial, expectation shattering bombshell. And yet, barely any of it manages to stick and chances are you’ll be yelling out the twist at the screen long before the movie attempts to rug pull you.

There’s an argument to be made that De Niro and Pacino have done worse to their careers (The Adventures Of Rocky and Bullwinkle & Jack & Jill respectively), but I would counter that while these examples saw the two icons flounder in a kid’s film and a Adam Sandler comedy, Righteous Kill should have been right in their wheelhouse and should have been at least halfway watchable. Bottom line – if you’ve stuck two legendary actors in a gritty cop thriller and their very presence hasn’t managed to elevate proceedings one bit, something terribly wrong has occurred that’s anything but righteous…
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