Possibly my most favorite thing about so-called “final chapters” is that they very seldom actually are. Jason Vorhees famously got 2, the X-Men’s Last Stand was anything but and if you genuinely believe that Halloween Ends will be the final ride of Michael Myers, I’ve got a bridge I’d like to sell you. So it’s no big surprise that the hefty Puppet Master series managed to score an ineffectual cinematic ending of its own despite continuing for at least another 11(!) episodes.
If you didn’t already know, both parts three and four were filmed back to back to make one large, overarching story involving an ancient, Egyptian God getting into the puppet’s business in order to stop the spread of AI (no, really). As we already know that the fifth instalment failed to truly be the last chapter, can it at least round off the continuing story that saw the marauding marionettes make the shift into good guys? I guess it’s time to cut those strings, guys.
After the events of Puppet Master 4, we find Rick Myers has been taken in for questioning to answer for the various dead bodies left in the wake of the murderous assault by the vicious Totems. While Rick tries to explain that various work colleagues and friends were actually clawed to death by little, savage monsters sent by a vengful God, he’s bailed out by Dr. Jennings, his superior, who wants to continue to push the boundaries of AI. After getting Rick released, Jennings instantly cooks up a shifty, underhanded plan to hired some goons and plunder the abandoned Bodega Bay Inn to try and discover some of those miraculous puppets Rick was talking about.
Meanwhile, the evil, puffy nippled God, Sutekh isn’t about to take the death of his Totems lying down and instigates a rather strange plan B. Putting all of his power and essence into a single, Super Totem, he comes to our world to get some payback – but despite being an ancient being of pure evil, it seems that Sutekh has had exactly the same idea as Jennings and Rick and targets the Bodega Bay Inn to seek out the puppets. But while the Super Totem starts slicing up Jennings’ hired help, Rick seeks put his new buddies to get them to help after Blade smuggles his way out of the police evidence lock up and sneaks home with this new Puppet Master. With the gang mostly all here (Leech Woman is still dead, I guess), the race is on to get Decapitron up and running once more to help in the fight against Sutekh.
With Blade, Pinhead, Tunneler, Jester, Six-Shooter and Torch all primed to go a second round with a Totem, and Jennings and his crooks dropping like flies, Rick and his girlfriend, Suzie, try to decipher the psychic messages from their comatose friend, Lauren. Will the secrets of Andre Toulon remain hidden and can the franchise’s “final installment” bring the curtain down on a last act that was nothing of the sort?
I’m not sure how they think final chapters are supposed to be done over at Full Moon Features, but head honcho Charlie Band and returning director Jeff Burr don’t actually seem to have any new tricks up their sleeves, let alone the ability to give the puppets a big finish their parent studio seemed to think they deserved. In fact, confusingly enough, Puppet Master 5 ends up being actually quite a bit smaller than its predecessor which not only violates the basic laws of sequeldom, it makes you wonder why they bothered with a two-film arc in the first place. Where the earlier film had the puppets square off against three villainous Totems with the humans getting killed in the crossfire, this one has the gang fight only one “super” Totem and despite the fact it supposedly has special abilities (read: zappy laser effects), it’s obviously a step down that marks chief baddie Sutekh as a bit of a moron. After all, why would a nine foot tall demon think that a Master plan that involves him placing his power in a figurine only two feet tall and then go and try and fight a battle that sees him outnumbered seven to one?
Yep, Sutekh certainly isn’t the God of rational thinking, that’s for sure, but we can’t hand all the blame over to the demon with the big pepperoni nips, as it soon becomes plain that the creative minds behind a very uncreative movie simply don’t have much of a plan to end this thing with much of a bang. We have more shifty corporate types trying to harness the power of AI and it’s legitimately cool that Clu Gulager shows up for a cameo as a morals-free CEO, but if you thought Sutekh’s plan was flat out ridiculous, you’ll also find yourself scratching your head as Dr. Jennings’ hires a bunch of low-rent crooks to raid the Bodega Bay Inn and then inexplicably decides to join them in person for their breaking and entering.
Even the good guys plans reek of unoriginality as once again they seek to restore Decapitron to help turn the tide against the noticably underachieving villains just like they did in the first movie, but while most of the film is something of a bust, the day will probably be saved for fans of the franchise when it comes to the antics of the puppets themselves.
It’s pretty telling that at this point in the franchise, the eponymous puppets are now showing far more charisma and character than any of the humans and the fact that these guys are now whitehats actually kind of makes them more fun to be with. In fact, there’s something of an untapped mine of fun to be had that the film barely scales the surface of when it puts the puppets in more natural surroundings. Sure, it’s cool to watch Six-shooter firing his little pop guns and it’s great to see Torch back after his inexplicable absence in part 4, but some of the best moments of the movie are the weird little bits that see the puppets integrating with normal behavior. A nightmare sequence sees Lauren having her scalp menacingly massaged by Pinhead’s huge mitts while her temple is stimulated by Tunneler’s drill while she relaxes in the bath – but rather than being shocking, you find yourself wondering if Pinhead could actually give a life changing head and neck rub. Later, at the very end of the film, Suzie, says she’s going to take a shower, but before she goes, she warns Pinhead not to spy on her in a strangely playful tone – which not only creates many awkward questions, but makes you wish the film had many more instances to play with the puppets in that surreal, day to day sort of way.
However, despite the occasional use of the puppets in a fun way and some more goofy puppet on Totem action, Puppet Master 5 fails to manage to build on what miniscule promise that part 4 offered up. The puppets kick ass as always, but despite the fact that this final chapter was ultimately about as final as Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone, it’s weird that their last bow is about as epic as kids playing with sock puppets.
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