Yep, it’s Netflix premiere time again as the ubiquitous streaming giant casts another disposable action flick into the void and crosses their collective figures that it sticks. This time it’s the turn of Patrick Hughes’ War Machine, a movie that delivers Predator-style thrills, only with a big honkin’ robot instead of an extraterrestrial big game hunter, that proves to offer Alan Ritchson a strenuous physical work out between seasons of Reacher, but while it ticks multiple boxes of Netflix’s usual brand of action movie (strong military influence, derivative sci-fi, recognisable lead, passable CGI), can the director of The Hitman’s Bodyguard films and Expendables III deliver something a little nuanced that average streaming fare?
Honestly? Not really – but thankfully War Machine does what it says on the tin at a decent enough level to make it a diverting action romp. Saddle up troops, there’s alien contraptions to vanquish!
The Ranger Assesment and Selection Program may have a slightly dubious acronym (RASP), but when it comes to mounting a grueling elimination process to assess the potential best of the best, it knows what it’s doing. But among the latest recruits to try and pass RASP is a Staff Sergeant who only just made the age cut-off and seems to be here for reasons that go far beyond just serving his country. Designated the number 81, the hulking, grizzled prospect also doesn’t seem to be particularly keen on making friends or even being much of a team player and as a harrowing opened revealed, 81’s got some issues.
It seems the reason he’s so determined is because years earlier in Kandahar, he lost his younger brother in an ambush by Taliban insurgents and his sibling’s biggest wish was for him and his older brother to join the Army Rangers. However, it’s soon noticed by the powers that be that 81’s psychological issues may be more of a hindrance than a help, especially when his won’t quit attitude nearly costs him his life. As a result the decision is weighed up about whether he should be let through to the final stage of training – a brutal mission simulation ominously named the Death March. However, during the mission, the finalists are given an extra hurdle to complete in the form of a strange, unearthly looking machine that they mistakenly blow up thinking it’s part of the mission.
This proves to be a gargantuan mistake as the thing turns out to be an alien war machine that suddenly boots up and goes on a kill-all-humans style rampage. Suddenly finding themselves in the middle of a War Of The Worlds type situation, the Ranger wannabes have to switch from training mode to survival mode if they’re hoping to survive a contraption that will happily liquify them with a well-aimed laser if they don’t mount some sort of counterattack. Can 81 shrug off his issues to become the leader a situation this dire needs him to be?
If you’re thinking that War Machine is going to coast by on it’s incredibly familiar premise, while offering little in the way of true originality, you’d be absolutely bang on the money, and the film acts like some sort of sci-fi orgy that sees such titles as Predator, Terminator, various versions of War Of The Worlds and even Battle: Los Angeles get stripped for parts and paraded as yet another spot of pro-military hokum. In an attempt to keep things as lean as humanly possible, none of the characters even have names as they’re assigned numbers as the start if their training, which ends up making it a nightmare to keep track of anyone who isn’t blessed with the mountainous form of Alan Ritchson who is required to play his role a moody and closed off as he can. So far, so potentially unappealing, but as we go through the training section of the film that plays vaguely like a muscular recruitment ad, we can’t help but notice aspects of clumsy foreshadowing that keep reminding us that there’s some sort of gnarly meteor shower occurring that blatantly is going to bite everyone in their steel-like buns at some point.
By this point, a lot of War Machine has felt like the training section of Starship Troopers without the satire. 81 is so determined to complete his dead brother’s dream – he’s willing to near kill himself to obtain it – but while the movie deliver its beats with a typical, heavy hand, the fact that Ritchson is built like the most grizzled, hulking action figure you’ve ever scene weirdly manages to carry you through until the lasers start flying. Literally everyone is on military movie detail here with no exceptions – Dennis Quaid breaks out his old army growl from G.I. Joe and Mission: Impossible’s Esai Morales does his best Stephen Lang impression as the weathered superior officers that debate shitcanning 81 literally because he’s too fucking tough.
Elsewhere, everyone else is regrettably only distinguishable by gender or race thanks to a lack of names, hair or actual personalities, but at least we get a rambunctious Jai Courtney in a limited role as 81’s doomed brother. However, despite all this, the film is somehow held together by the fact that somehow watch Ritchson push himself to the limit while not saying much proves to be weirdly fascinating.
It works even better once the alien robot gets riled up and while the storytelling used to pave the way for the genocidal droid is rudimentary a best (the crowbarred in news reports are almost funny) and hardly comes with a strikingly original design (think a HK from Terminator met a Transformer in a bar and got bizzay), watching Ritchson wince and grit his way through repeated attacks from the clomping villain continues to be a high point. What it lacks in personality, it makes up for in threat as it shoots killer bolts, pops out grenades and has a nice line in bright blue Godzilla breath when it isn’t scanning the area with the kind of laser a DJ would kill for. There’s numerous, Extraction-style action sequences too (a “onesie” featuring an APC chase is messy but fun); a high, splattery body count and a brisk, speedy runtime and if you like stripped back action or just enjoy watching the mountainous form of Ritchson kick some robotic ass, War Machine delivers a surprising amount of fun considering that it has all the originality as a particularly virulent bout of deja vu.
However, while the ending may be the most desperate call for a sequel I’ve seen in a while (think the promise of a nationwide invasion that Battle: Los Angeles never got to fulfill), I have to be honest, watching the immense form of Ritchson go head to head with yet more tricked out ED-209 on a grander scale doesn’t exactly fill me with dread. Especially as the ending of this film sees him go all Ripley against his murderous foe in a bulldozer.
Yes, War Machine delivers about as much originality as you’d expect from your average sci-fi/action streaming flick, but the hulking presence of Ritchson and the ability of its director to keep things moving nice and fast means that it’s actually quite a fun watch. There’s not a single point to be awarded here for originality, but rest assured that War Machine is also a well-oiled one.
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