Picture the scenario; a group makes their way to an isolated hotel only to find that it’s stuck in some sort of supernatural limbo and the souls of past guests are forced to exist permanently at a New Year’s celebration that stretches out for ininfinity. If the visitors can’t find a way to escape from their predicament, they’ll soon find that they’ll be absorbed into the place and doomed to sing “Auld Lang Syne” until the starts burn out. Obviously, you’d think that the story I’m referencing is that of The Shining, the iconic horror film born from the disagreements between Stephen King and Stanley Kubrick, but in actuality, I’m talking about Bloody New Year, a dreary rip-off that soon reveals that it has little chance of shining on it’s own…
“Directed” by Norman J. Warren, the man who tried to one-up Alien when it came to extraterrestrial/human birth sequences in Inseminoid, Bloody New Year also tries to sprinkle in a little Evil Dead magic to try and add extra oomph, but could anyone ever hope to make such things as a killer table cloth actually scary?
Proceedings start in something of an irritating manner when we spend time with a group of friends as they visit a seaside funfair packed with all the lethal-looking, poorly maintained fairground rides the 80s excelled in. We’re supposed to believe that this group are teenagers, but as we’re expected to believe far worse as the film goes on, we accept that this vapid correlation of mid-twenty somethings (Lesley, Tom, Janet, Rick and Spud) as fun-loving youths and quickly move on. But after witnessing a young American tourist being harassed by a trio of roustabouts, the group step in and save her.
After the chaos dies down – the group opt to take the novel escape route of driving their jeep through a ghost house – the “teens” continue with their day trip by taking their small rowing boat out to sea. However, after experiencing issues with taking on water, they eventually run aground on a remote body of land named Grand Island and elect to take shelter in a lone hotel that appears to be deserted. Weirder yet, the entire place is decorated for a New Year’s party despite it being the middle of summer which suggests that whatever happened here happened in a hurry.
Soon – but not soon enough – the gang not only realise that they’re being picked off one at a time by time-displaced ghosts who have seemingly possessed every appliance in the building, but the family of hooligans they humiliated at the fairground have tracked them down and are looking for payback. As unknown forces attempt to claim the souls of the living in a way that impacts the budget as little as possible, our heroes have to stay alive against an evil force that even renders table cloths, lifts and strips of film as clumsy threats to their safety.
If you were to put a gun to my head and asked me to guess (although a far more intimidating threat would be to get me to re-watch the film) I’d swear blind that the cast and crew behind Bloody New Year had never actually made a movie before due to the vast amounts of amateurish filmmaking on display. It you were to continue in this line of questioning, I’d also have to guess that the film was made sometime in the mid 70s considering the technical prowess I’m seeing here, but again, considering that both The Shining and The Evil Dead both didn’t break boundaries until the early 80s, it’s a little disconcerting how slapdash this film is considering it was made as late as 1987. No doubt some of you will go easy on this silly little movie exactly because of the tight budget and acting that seems right out of a 70s audition tape for Grange Hill, but from the moment it started until it’s impressively bungled ending, I just found Bloody New Year simply bloody awful.
Despite being invaluable proof that England was grim as fuck in the 80s, it’s tough to say what the filmmakers were actually shooting for with their movie. It’s not in the least bit scary despite a couple of choice moments that come out of nowhere that prove to be oddly alarming, and it isn’t particularly funny either, although I’m not actually sure if it was ever meant to be. It certainly feels like it’s going for a comedy vibe, especially during an opening sequence that sees our hapless teens lock horns with a trifecta of thugs named Dad, Ace and the Bear, but no actually laughs actually emerged from my frame unless frequent dismissive scoffing counts.
It’s not that I have anything against movies made on the lower end of the financial scale – in fact low budget horror was something of the lifeblood of the 80s and delivered some genuinely groundbreaking jewels that changed the genre. However, Bloody New Year proves to be so irritating on virtually ever level, I could actually feel my brain actively trying to delete it from my memory while I was watching it. From what vestiges my brain managed to retain before my mental purge, I do remember a couple of moments where the empty line readings and the baffling choice to film entirely during daylight (couldn’t afford night lights I’m guessing), gave way to mild feelings of hope.
For a start, even though Warren doesn’t seem to have a tight grip on his movie’s own concept, the idea that spirits can manipulate anything in the hotel isn’t actually a bad one. While the sight of a table cloth suddenly springing to life into the form of a man clearly with a ragged blanket over his head, you certain don’t expect it and similarly a moment when a figure lunges out of a movie projected onto a screen may be primitive, but I certainly didn’t see it coming. And while you can certainly see the joins, a moment when the wall of an elevator spouts hands and grabs an unsuspecting victim. But other than these moments, random factoids proves to be vastly more interesting than watching slack-mouthed victims wander about aimlessly.
For example, did you know that the “Dad” thug was the dude who owned Winchester Tavern in Shaun Of The Dead, or that the actress who plays the soon-to-be zombified Lesley is June Whitfield’s daughter? I don’t know about you, but that’s far more fun to discuss that the truly baffling explanation behind the haunting of the Grand Island Hotel that saw a plane testing an experimental cloaking devise crashed on the island in 1959 and trapped everyone inside in a time warp. Quite how this gives the people inside the ability to turn into table cloths; turn invisible but still leave footprints; zombify their victims; or suck someone through the bottom of their boat, I don’t know. But by then, you’ll be long past caring, so I guess it actually all works out in the end…
Virtually unwatchable for all except the most hardy fan of amateur trash, the movie effortlessly irritates and annoys when it’s supposed to scare and entertain. Thanks to such a wretched experience, Bloody New Year is one old acquaintance that definitely needs to be forgot.
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