There are certain things that spring instantly to mind when you think of the glittery, neon soaked streets of old school Las Vegas – slot machines, roulette wheels, the omnipresent gaze of the mob – however, in 1960, a movie was released that had the potential to be the most Vegas-like experience you could ever conceive of. Just picture it: the silky smooth crooners (and friends) of the Rat Pack depending on the strip with a plan to rob five different casinos simultaneously faster than you can say ring-a-ding-ding – I mean isn’t that the most Vegas thing that you’ve ever freakin’ heard of?
Obviously, much like other properties such as Mission: Impossible and Inglorious Basterds, Ocean’s Eleven is now primarily known for its more modern interation that saw a stacked cast attempt the same feat under the eye of Steven Soderbergh, but does the original manage stand up in comparison, or have we stacked our chips on the wrong horse?
World War II veteran Danny Ocean has something of an audacious plan: along with his best buddy, Johnny Foster, and jittery Greek plotter Spyros Acebos, they’ve cooked up a scheme to fleece Sin City out of a hefty amount of dough when they plot to rob five different casinos all at the same time. To do that, Danny and Jimmy put the call out to to a bunch of old comrades from the 82nd Airborne Division who all coincidently have skills and current jobs that line up exactly with the various tasks required to successfully hoodwink the Sahara, the Riviera, the Desert Inn, the Sands and the Flamingo on New Year’s Eve.
However, before we can even get to Las Vegas, Danny has to reel all his buddies in first when he isn’t taking time out ragebaiting the very gullible Spyros, as soon we get a roll call of various characters who come together to cash out Vegas itself. Among them there’s Josh Howard who who takes a job as a sanitation worker in order to provide a path out for the money, Tony Berghoff who will be the group’s electrician who will attempt to cause the power on the strip to fail at the right time and Sam Harmon who, like a bunch of others, has a job within the various casinos to map out where the counting rooms are when his isn’t seemingly singing “Ain’t That A Kick In The Head” on repeat.
However, while the planning has been meticulous, there’s a few loose ends kicking about that threaten to unravel Ocean’s criminal sweater. Not only is Danny’s focus in danger of being drawn by his ex-wife, Beatrice, but spiteful girlfriend, Adele, is looking to make his life all the more difficult.
However, the biggest threat to the heist may prove to be reformed mobster, Duke Santos, who not only is due to marry Johnny’s mother, but he’s called in by panicking casino bosses to sniff out who exactly who could attempt such a ballsy move. Can Danny and his group pull off the impossible, or will Santos force them to crap out in the worse way?
In many ways, the original Ocean’s Eleven was surely the 60s cinematic equivalent of an open goal – I mean, do I really need to spell it out again? The motherfucking Rat Pack planning an epic takedown of Vegas? Surely on paper that’s the Mount Everest of cigarette smokin’, liquor drinking, one liner flingin’, far-out cool-overload that you could ever ask for – Christ, that’s a recipe that could potentially out womanise James Bond himself. However, while the malt liquor flows and misogyny runs as worryingly rampant as an early season of Mad Men without the self awareness, there’s a real feeling that Lewis Milestone’s crime epic has missed a trick by neglecting a few important ingredients in it’s lawbreaking martini – namely to be both fun and interesting.
Even when discussing the movies of yesteryear, it’s probably a wise move to make your heist movie slick and sleek and able to turn on a dime, but right from the off the movie immediately starts hamstringing itself thanks to the very things that should be making the story irresistible. For a start, the film instantly seems incapable of ably juggling it’s bloated cast with only a handful succeeding in making an impact and while I’ve a feeling that if I was a member of an audience of the 60s a lot of the casting would be more prestigious, but as it stands, most of the gang just blur into one another as the movie grinds on. Frank Sinatra fulfils his chairman of the board role fine and Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr. have always been fun on screen (even if the latter has to suffer the regrettable indignity of witnessing a blackface joke), but aside from notable turns from Henry Silva and Cesar Romero (sans Joker makeup), I kept repeatedly forgetting who was who. I mean, The Magnificent Seven may have had less characters to keep track of, but at least you could plainly tell them apart.
Another critical mistake made by Ocean’s Eleven is that it’s not particularly exciting either which surely is some sort of cardinal sin when it comes to heist movies – and it’s slow. Like, real slow. Like, it takes an entire hour until the film gets to Las Vegas slow, and even when it gets there and the ambitious robbery gets underway, the film never seems to be able to drag itself out of a leisurely (or maybe perhaps glacial) pace when it should be sprinting to the finish line. Worse yet, there are whole plot threads that initially seem to be exceedingly important to the overall story that literally fizzle out after only a scene or two. I’m not sure exactly what we are supposed to glean from the subplot concerning Danny Ocean’s ex-wife (played by Angie Dickinson no less) and his scorned bit on the side, but what initially seems like it could be a gargantuan plot point literally goes nowhere, fast. Finally, the last nail in the coffin is a final act that suddenly loses focus completely and shifts the tone into strangely downbeat territory after the gang is forced to try and smuggle out the money via an alternate route that involves stuffing it into the coffin of one of their members who is suddenlu struck down by fate mid-job. By then, the film has almost fully shifted its focus onto Cesar Romero’s heist busting ex-mobster which effectively destroys any momentum the movie had thus far achieved and takes what should be a rollocking finale and instead makes it something of a massive anti-climax. However, the original 60s crew can console themselves with one thing, the flashier, cooler, 00s upstarts may upstairs them in almost every way, but when it comes to their accumulated blood/alcohol levels, the old guard is undefeated…
A Las Vegas heist movie that’s curiously devoid of both razzle dazzle or genuine thrills, the original Ocean’s Eleven proves to be even shakier than a sozzled Dean Martin attempting to walk a straight line. But while some will stand by the film purely from that impressively gimmicky line up the only thing Danny Ocean’s gang manages to successfully steal is over two hours of your time.
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