When is a Mummy movie not a Mummy movie? When it’s a Lee Cronin Mummy movie, I guess…
Over the last couple of years, Blumhouse has been trying it’s hand completely revamping various classic movie monsters for a new generation of audiences. Usually helmed by Leigh Whannell, we got modern face-lifts for the Invisible Man and the Wolf Man with varying degrees of success; but it’s union with James Wan’s Atomic Pictures in full swing, it seems that the revamps have undergone a change of their own with Lee Cronin’s The Mummy.
But before we unwrap this newest version of the bandaged baddie, some of you are wondering just who the Hell Lee Cronin actually is and why does he deserve his name above the title in a manner resembling John Carpenter or Wes Craven? Well, for a start, Cronin was the director of 2019’s The Hole In The Ground and then went on to helm the resplendently nasty Evil Dead Rise – but while you may correctly deduce that two horror films, no matter how good, probably isn’t enough to warrant you name being in the title, remember this: with various other Mummy movies out their stirring the sands, it’s probably more of an effort to separate them rather than a bold statement of directorial mastery. Besides, I’m not even that certain this is a true Mummy movie at all…
The Cannon family finds their lives in a state of merciless upheaval after eldest daughter, Katie is abducted from their house in Cairo and simply vanishes without a trace as a sudden sandstorm lashes the city. In the aftermath, investigative TV reporter, Charlie, nurse wife, Larissa, their younger son Sebastián and their yet-unborn second daughter, Maud, all have to simply wait to see if the authorities manage to locate Katie and try to get on with their lives.
Eight years pass and it seems that the Cannons have mostly made peace with their personal tragedy, after moving back in with Larissa’s mother in Albuquerque, New Mexico. But one day, out of the blue, they get a phone call to say that not only has Katie been found, but she’s actually still alive after being found in a sarcophagus recovered from a plane crash. However, “alive” may be pushing it a bit as not only is Katie severely malnourished from her eight year ordeal, but she seems to be suffering locked in syndrome too, which causes her to spasm, contort and click her teeth in strange, creepy ways. But while Charlie and Larissa are obviously taken aback at the ravaged condition of their daughter, they endevor to make her return home as comfortable as they can.
However, it soon seems that something is seriously wrong with Katie beyond unimaginable trauma and an inability to speak and while Larissa is desperate to restore some normality to their lives, Charlie’s reporter-fueled need to discover the truth causes him to try and get to the bottom of things. But as his personal investigation gets a shot in the arm from a detective from Cairo, the strange malady that afflicts the eldest Cannon child seems to be spreading to the rest of the family, with some truly repellent consequences in store…
There’s a bit of consternation going around that Lee Cronin’s The Mummy isn’t actually much of a Mummy movie, but I have to counter: what does a Mummy movie actually look like in 2026? Is it the slow-moving, bandaged pseudo-zombie or the Universal and Hammer eras, the Indiana Jones influenced action movies featuring Brendan Fraser, or whatever the fuck the Tom Cruise one was before it sunk its own connected universe before it even started? My point is, as long as there’s enough sand, wrappings and sarcophagus to go round, I don’t really have an issue with Cronin going the same route as his marvelous Evil Dead Rise as he once again mercilessly targets a loving family unit and ramps up the nasty. However, what I do have an issue with is that even judged by Evil Dead standards, The Mummy isn’t exactly a stellar example of a rip-off to a franchise I absolutely adore and that because it has a distinct lack of focus.
For a start, the Evil Dead franchise works as well as it does because it’s smart enough to keep things short, sharp and concise with none of the entries ever crossing the 96 minute mark. However, Cronin has obviously been given free reign by Jason Blum and James Wan to do whatever he wants and as a result, the vicious, violent, Deadite-inspired shenanigans clock in at a messy – and thoroughly unnecessary – 133 minutes.
Simply put, a movie like this needs to be snappy, but The Mummy’s sprawling runtime and confused narrative ends up only being great in spurts which long stretches in-between.
For every genuinely toe curling setpiece that makes you physically wince, there’s a whole bunch of setup which, with a sterner edit, could have been cared down and streamlined into a lean, mean, gross-out machine. Similarly, Cronin also seems a little unsure of his tone, first treating the disappearance of a child with the proper gravitas it deserves, but as the movie goes on, it starts tripping over all of its narrative bindings. One minute it’s an emotional breakdown of a family as a bug-eyed Jack Reynor and a constantly dripping-nosed Laia Costa endure the agony of losing a child; next it’s a mean-spirited metaphor for caring after a physically/mentally troubled youth; then it’s a police procedural set in Cairo with Moon Knight’s May Calamawy before finally becoming a full-speed blowout in its final act.
However, while this iteration of The Mummy ends up being the less of the sum of its parts, Cronin still has a unerring talent for knowing what makes us wince. Be it an excruciating instance of toenail cutting which turns into the hangnail from Hell, to a crazed funeral sequence that sees a character pull out their milk teeth and insert the over-sized dentures of a dead woman, it’s a real shame that the film doesn’t flow better than it does. Kudos also have to go to Natalie Grace, piled under waxen makeup and distractingly odd-shaped eyes as she contorts, snaps her teeth and gnaws on scorpions like an honorary Deadite – and to Veronica Falcón’s long suffering, formally glamorous grandma who ends up absorbing more than her fair share of heavy-handed abuse.
The debate of whether or not The Mummy is a good Mummy movie turns out to be less important than whether its a good movie, period – but while it’s smash-mouth, Evil Dead charms certainly carry more than it’s fair share or memorable moments, you can hardly say Cronin has gotten his disjointed plot and misshapen pacing wrapped up tight. If you’re a big fan of horror that’s unfeasibly spiteful and a truly unnecessary amount of split diopter shots (surely some sort of record), then Lee Cronin’s The Mummy will have some horrendous sites to show you – but it also may have everyone else yelling “You’re not my real Mummy!” as rapidly unravels.
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