Godzilla Vs. Megaguirus


After getting sick to the back teeth of Godzilla attacks upon their nuclear power stations, which force them to find alternative energy solutions which prove to be woefully inadequate, the big brains of Japan hatch a plan to dispose of Godzilla once and for all by creating a localized black hole in space and shooting it at him from orbit (look, I don’t write this shit, I just review it, ok?).


However problems arise when during a test run (something going wrong with creating a black hole being created within earth’s atmosphere? What are the odds?) when an insect that gets caught in the hole and it mutates into a massive, gremlin-faced dragonfly called Megaguirus who lays countless eggs. These eggs hatch into smaller bugs who go out to provide her with the energy needed to jump start a winged rampage. Of course they try to drain it from Godzilla who has his own problems trying to deal with the aforementioned scientists who are desperate to shove the king of the monsters up into their hole (phwoar!) with no chance of escape.


To put it bluntly, Godzilla Vs. Megaguirus is uninspired and sloppy as arseholes with to separate plots bolted together into one epic but empty mishmash. With the special skill of being a bit zippy, Megaguirus is quite simply a dull foil for Godzilla who’s main method of attack is to push him over when he’s not looking like a spiteful toddler. Their climactic rumble, while good, stupid value for money – Godzilla delivers a flying body splash that would make luchador proud – just feels much more like the camp scraps of the 70’s compared the rather more serious human side of the story and ends up creating a bizarre tone so uneven, not even Godzilla himself can stomp it flat.


There’s some good here, watched in isolation from the rest of the film certain plot threads work pretty well. The main subplot of a vengeful major desperate to pay Godzilla back for squashing her colleague during a previous rampage is pretty strong and pays off nicely and the kaiju stuff is sound in theory but after Mothra, Kumonga, Megalon, Battra and technically Destoroyah, does Godzilla really need ANOTHER giant bug monster to fight?
When the credits roll, Godzilla Vs. Megaguirus ends up being a curious microcosm of the problems faced by the entire Millennium series of movies in that every film bar one released during this period are reboots, therefore negating their own existence the second another film hit the cinemas. And that’s GVM in a nutshell – it simply doesn’t matter.


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