Some films are created to expand your consciousness, to teach you about the world that surrounds you and aims to try to understand the existential conundrum that is life itself. Other films seek to educate, or give you glimpses into worlds and mindsets you have never experienced before, be it the the most ruthless villains to the most selfless of heroes. And some films feature a woman humping a drunk werewolf…
Created by a bunch of Canadian filmmakers who I presume have a hook up for some really good weed, Wolfcop simply only wants you to have a good time while it takes its outlandish concept and a tight budget and does everything it can in order to make you laugh. But even armed with practical effects and some industrial grade silliness (not to mention a standard police firearm), can Wolfcop make you howl with laugher or snarl with derision?
The small, rundown community of Woodhaven has seen better days as its ramshackle shops are constantly held up by a gang of mask wearing raiders known as the Piggies and its streets are constantly plagued with graffiti artists. Maybe things might be better if the Woodhaven Police Department managed to get its shit together, but the fact that nihilistic deputy Lou Garou is a far better alcoholic than he is a cop manages to bring down the hard work of his colleague, Tina, with his unshaven, bleary-eyed incompetence.
One of the many reports Lou chooses yo ignore is the one from the town’s expert in bug-eyed paranoia, Willie Higgins, who is convinced that there are Satan worshiping teens in the area, which would seem toexplain all the missing pets that Woodhaven seems to have; but when he accidently stumbles upon an actual satanic ritual in the woods, Lou is knocked out and wakes up the next day to find a pentagram carved upon his stomach.
While most of us would be fairly alarmed at this turn of events, Lou finds that his senses have sharpened and he has an accelerated healing factor and after getting in a particularly sozzled state, he finds himself transforming – mid-piss – into a werewolf who has the ability to finally lay into crime with a ferocious fury.
Getting a bit of help from a fascinated Willie, Lou takes his literal, newfound beast mode and runs with it, becoming a snarling, face-ripping supercop who seems to be in with a chance to clean up Woodhaven once and for all. But when Wolfcop starts to uncover evidence of a satanic conspiracy, this werewolf had to try and use his long burried detective skills to become a where/how/who-wolf.
OK, so I don’t think I’m shocking anyone when I drop the bomb that Wolfcop is hardly a masterpiece, but considering the fate of most films that strive to become a feature length, viral meme, it actually does pretty well. Essentially one of those flicks we got during the 2010s that desperately wants to be recognised as what I’d guess you’d call nu grindhouse (if such a thing even exists), the people behind Wolfcop unleashed an ad campaign that many felt would be far more imaginative that the finished product. But while the image of the titular beast slayed naked on a rug in a pitch perfect parody of that infamous, Burt Reynolds photoshoot was the chef’s kiss of promotional images, I’m fairly pleased to report that the finished product is almost just as fun.
Director Lowell Dean obviously didn’t a single trace of disillusionment while trying to concoct a movie that lives up to that near-perfect exploitation title and instead embraces the crazy, making the entire enterprise almost instantly and single-handed worth it for a moment where poor Lou first transforms into a werewolf penis first while at a urinal (beat that John Landis). OK, it’s hardly art, but it’s exactly the sort thing you would hope to see while watching something called Wolfcop and it’s with this kind of detail where the movie chiefly finds its feet – well, paws.
The plot itself, concerns itself with a secret society of shape shifting lizard people is unsurprisingly pure bunk and the way the movie unravels the conspiracy is about as elegant as a drunk in a bar banging on about all birds actually being government drones. However, when it comes to the little things, Wolfcop excells as it gets bigger laughs from the sight of Wolfcop crafting his own “Wolfcop-mobile”, A-Team style (it has a glowing “W” scratched into the bonnet), to the scattered acts of gore splattered around the place and any flick that sees a face rip result in a screaming skull is alright with me.
However, as fun as the experience is (booze is readily advised), Wolfcop ultimately is as forgettable as every other “fad” movie ever was – for example, when was the last time you heard someone bring up the Sharknado franchise – but that doesn’t mean it’s not worthy a watch. For example, the main selling points may be comedic gore and the most prominent werewolf sex since the more memorable moments of the Howling franchise, but Leo Farfad proves to be an amusingly scummy lead as his pre-werewolf existence sees him living on an endless diet of liquor and donuts and continuously wreathed in 5 o’clock shadow. Similarly, Jonathan Cherry’s bug-eyed sidekick invokes pleasant comparisons to Stephen Ogg from GTA 5 and The Walking Dead (he could literally play his brother) and the moment where the two head out onto the streets to fuck up some crime plays amusingly like an extremely shaggy Robocop.
Yes, the tangled plot struggles to match that magnificent silly image of a Wolf Man style lycanthrope clad in a deputy’s uniform while pointing a gun like Dirty Harry, but that image is so strong, it grabs the adventure it’s in by the scruff of the neck and carries it across the finishing line with goofy aplomb. Of course, the whole joke of mixing an 80s action movie with werewolf trappings seemed to have paid off before the film was even released as a sequel is threatened in the end credits; but when you have a film is smart/dumb enough to see a werewolf deal with a bunch of graffiti artists by pissing on them, then a follow up just has to be put in motion, post haste.
Behold the strong arm of the roar…
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