I wonder if the writers of the old Tarzan films ever panicked when asked to pen yet another adventure featuring Edgar Rice Burroughs’ rippling muscled jungle hero. Did they sweat when trying to think up overarching plots that didn’t chiefly contain ruthless hunters, lost cities or rogue tribes? Did they fuss over whether or not to put another crocodile fighting scene in to pep up the action? Did they suffer endlessly in the grip of writer’s block trying to think of fresh ways for Cheeta to bring her mildly disconcerting brand of comic relief? Or did they just shut their shoulders, bang out another script and collect their paycheck?
As we head into Tarzan’s fourteenth adventure, I’m now more inclined to believe the latter; which is a shame when you consider that Lex Barker’s second stint in the jungle probably meant that the creative crew were probably long tapped out. However, despite carrying woefully low scores on Rotten Tomatoes (15% don’t you know?), I found Tarzan And The Slave Girl to be fairly refreshing simply because it does nothing new. Confused? Then swing on and see what I’m talking about.
While jungle-based lovebirds Tarzan and Jane canoodle by the river, staring deeply into each other’s eyes, sinister shit is going down in Africa. After their date is ruined by a sudden, blood curdling scream, Tarzan springs into action to find kidnapping afoot as someone has snatched a girl from a local tribe as is fast making off with her – but as he gets down to the satisfying business of beating the shit out of the wrongdoers, multiple events spin out of this event that will have dire consequences for many involved. Firstly, the men responsible for this crime are members of a lost, Caucasian civilisation called the Lionians who live like ancient Egyptians and wear silly little gnome hats; secondly, the kidnapper’s leader, Sengo, becomes obsessed with kidnapping Jane after Tarzan knifes his face during the scuffle and finally, the Lionians bring with them a mystery disease that’s killed most of their women (hense all the kidnapping) and if this illness isn’t put in check, it could spread across the entire continent.
Taking care of the problems in order of deadliness, Tarzan requests help from Dr. Campbell who believes he can cure this insidious malady, but with him comes Lola, his busty, maneating, volatile nurse who immediately locks her eyes on the lord of the apes and stakes her claim by picking fist fights with Jane. However, after their carfight virtually wrecks the tree house, both feuding femmes are then summarily kidnapped by Sengo who has the new king of the lost kingdom wrapped around his scheming little finger. Can Tarzan get Dr. Campbell to quell the sickness in time, infiltrate the Lionian city and free Jane while avoiding the massively unsubtle advances of the insatiable Lola – let’s face it, he’s never had to tangle with a predator like this before…
Like like the bulldozing amorous advances of the character of Lola, there’s a directness to Tarzan And The Slave Girl that proves to be something of a breath of fresh, jungle air compared to some of the more convoluted plots of some previous entries. You see, in an effort to add some more meat to the series’ bones, some of the previous installments would layer on subplots that bizarrely often took the spotlight off our titular hero. In fact, some of the movies even sidelined Tarzan to the extent he’d spend large portions of the film either unconscious or captured while everyone else waited for him to show up in the last ten minutes to lay the loin clothed smackdown on any wrongdoers. However, this movie manages to cut out a lot of the extraneous bullshit to keep Barker front and centre. Tarzan purists may have balked at the introduction of Vanessa Brown as a replacement Jane for the exiting Brenda Joyce and a story that doubles down on the absolute basics and dedicates it’s runtime of focusing on high adventure. OK yes, there is literally nothing groundbreaking about the story which slings in a lost (white) tribe, damsels in distress, a medical mercy mission and even a random, murderous bonus tribe at no extra cost, but it handles such well worn material with such energy that even Cheeta’s vaguely psychotic japes seem genuinely amusing (with kidnappings and a deadly virus kicking about, she takes the opportunity to get utterly shitfaced like an utter lunatic).
Lex Barker seems a bit more comfortable in the role this time around as he’s given a chance to stretch his legs with a more straightforward story and he proves to be a surprisingly brutal scrapper, spearing people with shoulder tackles like a primitive Bill Goldberg and aggressively slicing open the villains cheek in an early brawl like he’s forgotten he’s actually an actor in a movie. Elsewhere, while James plays Jane far younger than Joyce did, she does seem a touch more fiesty than some of her forbears which is amply displayed with her tempestuous relationship with Denise Darcel’s pneumatic Lola and I have to be honest, with all the jungle adventure and action flying around, the growing animosity between them caused by the blonde trying to attach herself to Tarzan like a voluptuous leech proves go be the most entertaining thing in the film. In fact, I’d go so far to say that Lola, with her bullish, nab-a-man-at-any-cost attitude and her sledgehammer accent may actually be the most fun side-character the franchise has ever had and the crazed brawl she and Jane has that see them both crashing through furniture like professional wrestlers may not much more than cheap titillation, but it sure made me laugh.
Aside from the sight of Jane throwing hands with an unrepentant homewrecker, the rest of Tarzan And The Slave Girl may be predictable, but it moves like an absolute cheetah. I’ll admit that the movie predictably falls into regrettable stereotypes in a random, evil native tribe who pepper Tarzan’s expedition with poison blowdarts, but the actual setpiece is fast and fun and helps cements Barker’s action credentials nicely. But while the final ends up being a little messy and features more aimless running around than a Scooby Doo chase montage (even for race ravaged by sickness, the Lionians have pretty shitty defences), it still manages to hold its focus to deliver a meat and potatoes adventure that prioritises basic thrills over reinventing the wheel.
Beyond basic, Tarzan And The Slave Girl actually manages to be far memorable than some of the more complex entries mainly because it has the good sense to keep its eyes on the prize without getting needlessly sidetracked. There’s sexy intrigue thanks to Denise Darcel’s hilariously unsubtle Lola, Barker’s Tarzan is a beast who has no compunction about throwing his nemesis screaming to the lions and the basic adventure fundamentals that director Lee Sholem adds means that Barker’s sophomore swing is as solid as they come as his rippling midsection.
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