Considering that Charles Band had his eye on the crown of the brand new mini monster sub-genre, you can’t help but think that the prolific producer took his eye off the ball a little. While Joe Dante’s Gremlins manage to do for mischievous creatures, what Goldfinger did for suave superspies by delivering a blankly comic dismantling of twee Americana by giggling imps, Band’s Ghoulies didn’t seem to know what to do with its titular beasties and instead made them play second fiddle to a bunch of college buddies falling foul of a spot of satanic panic. Yes, the defining image of the film was a slimy, green creature beaming at us from the confines of a toilet bowl, but anyone hoping that the Ghoulies themselves would be the main thrust of the plot probably found themselves feeling profoundly short changed.
However, when the inevitable sequel came round the u-bend, some surprisingly intelligent changes had been put into effect – yes, the Ghoulies still were strangely charismatic denizens of Hell, but now they were the unchallenged stars of the show with some new surroundings that proved to be practically perfect.
Young Larry is the co-owner of the Satan’s Den haunted house along with his old, booze sodden, Uncle Ned – but while the attraction has been a major feature of the Carnival Of Scream for over twenty years, jaded modern audiences have led to it consistently losing revenue. As Larry and Ned pull over to fix their dilapidated truck, they unexpectedly pick up a clutch of stowaways in the form of five little demons who have escaped from Hell and was stolen away from their Satanic summoners by a well meaning Priest who inevitably meets a gruesome end. However, while the Ghoulies may be emissaries of the pit, they also know how to have a good time and take refuge in Satan’s Den once it’s rejoined the rest of the carnival and built.
However, while an infestation of demons should be the worst thing to happen to Larry and Ned, avoiding getting shut down by the unscrupulous, money hungry carnival owner manages to be vastly more important. But unbeknownst to them, their secret, supernatural stowaways seem to enjoy putting on a show and while their occasionally fatal brand of fuckery claims a few lives, the teenage witnesses who don’t realise it’s not an act soon ensure Satan’s Den is suddenly a hot ticket thanks to some enthusiastic word of mouth.
However, when Ned finally discovers that the new success comes indirectly from Hell itself, he attempts to try and send the slimy little buggers back where they came from with unsurprisingly tragic results. But with the Fish, Cat, Rat, Toad and Bat Ghoulies adamant that the ride is their new stomping grounds, Larry has to resort to dome desperate measures to flush the spiteful, snarling fuckers out of their new home.
Ghoulies II is an example of what I’d call “no brainer” filmmaking. If you’ve created a rival, low budget movie to square up to a Hollywood heavyweight, surely it would be smart to try and copy it a bit more closely than throwing in weird hard turns such as an undead Satan worshiper, lots of spell casting and an oddly minimal role for your title critters. As a result, the sequel proves to be something of a masterclass in retconning your concept to deliver the type of flick we should have gotten in the first place. For a start, the Ghoulies themselves get an utter overhaul that keeps the basic designs, but gives each one a most distinctive character and a complete top to toe upgrade thanks to effects guy John Carl Buechler blatently getting more cash. Rather than the rudimentary rubber hand puppets we got in the orginal, the gang this time not only get five, distinct members, but they can actually emote and perform more of the delicate physical actions needed to pull off their slapstick chicanery. Elsewhere we find that that the surroundings fit the story perfectly as the backstory of a struggling carnival proves to be a savvy playground for the Ghoulies to eventually rampage through in the third act as they bite of the arm of a dunk tank clown and crush patrons under speeding bumper cars.
Of course, a huge improvement over the original still only results in a finished film that’s just OK. But while it seems as pointless to proudly delcare a movie the best of of a famously wonky franchise – not unlike championing a superior Puppet Master film, or singling out one of the Leprechauns – I’ve always admired the glow up that certain follow ups manage to provide.
Oh, don’t get me wrong, a lot of Ghoulies II is trashy stuff on a purely camp level with uninteresting human characters that get in the way of the hot, Ghoulie action. But every time the vanilla leads start to overstay their welcome, Royal Dano wanders in playing a drunken, ex-magician, or the Ghoulies push the mostly childish tone to the limits with some oddly spiteful deaths. One woman is pinned to the floor while the creatures maul her hands and feet and is slashed with a straight razor feet, while another poor sap finds himself stabbed with a switchblade and chained to a table while a prop pendulum slices him in two. There’s a rather sweet attempt by the film to bemoan the loss of the innocence of days gone by as modern audiences are more likely to sneer at things like the old fashioned carny way of life and the decision to set the film in such a location is legitimately inspired considering other franchises seemed desperate to hurl their title monster into the big city or space.
However, it’s the Ghoulies themselves that prove to be the main draws and the fact that all five if them have completely different looks predate the deranged swings of Gremlins 2 by a good three years. Embracing the fact that each one looks vaguely like an animal (sort of), the Cat Ghoulie constantly meows while giving bombastic side eye; the Rat Ghoulie coats victims with quick drying phelgm; the Fish Ghoulie once again revisits that old toilet gag from the original but with the punchline it always should have had; and the Bat Ghoulie doesn’t manage to completely look like a piece of rubber on a string. So, despite the good work of director Albert Band (father of Charlie); writer Dennis Paoli (Re-Animator) and even cinematographer Sergio Salvati (The Beyond), the real star of the show proves to be Buechler and his petulant puppets – but then isn’t that almost always the way?
If my charitable words somehow has made Ghoulies II seem like some flawless jewel lost among the pulpy bustle of Band’s Empire output, rest assured that on a sliding scale, the Ghoulies aren’t fit to drink the Gremlins’ piss. However, in the world of rip-offs and sequels to rip-offs, the second outing for Satan’s little shits is way more Critters 2 than Critters 4. Hint: that’s a good thing.
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