Anthologies have always been the pick ‘n mix of the cinema world, to it’s quite fitting when anyone thinks yo make one about Halloween. Of course, Michael Dougherty’s Trick ‘r Treak sits smugly at the top of that pile, but that doesn’t mean that others have compiled a bunch of short, zippy, horror stories in order to take advance of the spookiest of seasons.
A respectable also-ran is Tales Of Halloween; a cheeky, humorous clutch of stories that seemed to be trying to break some sort of record by managing to cram ten entire stories into a runtime just under an hour and forty minutes. This meant that the various tales assault you thick and fast (though not quite as fast as The ABCs Of Death which obviously delivered 26), so whomever was making them had barely ten minutes to endure that their entry had sufficient kick. However, considering the directors list included such names as Darren Lynn Bousman (many Saw installments), Lucky Mckee (May) and Neil Marshall (The Descent), there was a good chance that Tales Of Halloween could buck the quantity over quality issue and deliver some truly satisfying treats.
If I’m going to fit this all in, I’d better be brief; so in a single town, on a single night, we see numerous townsfolk discover how nasty Halloween can get. In “Sweet Tooth”, a small child learns of a candy guzzling town legend from his babysitters that might not be such of a legend after all; in “The Night Billy Raised Hell”, the titular child is urged to go on a Halloween rampage by a grumpy, demonic neighbour named Mr. Abbadon; “Trick” sees a group of friends chilling out on Halloween when they find themselves under attack by murderous children for reasons that may shock you.
Moving on, “The Weak And The Wicked” sees a vengful teen try to evoke the spirit of a Halloween demon to get even with the crazed gang of pyromaniacs who killed his parents; “Grim Grinning Ghost” has us witness a woman leaving a party only to be persuaded by the ghost of Mary Bailey and “Ding Dong” takes us into the strange, abusive relationship between a timid man and his crazed wife who has the unnerving habit of transforming into a scarlet, four-armed witch at the drop of a hat.
Rounding things of are “This Means War” which sees two neighbours engage in a Hallloween feud due to their excessive seasonal decorations; “Friday The 31st”, which sees a hulking, Jason-esque killer meet his match thanks to a tiny, visiting alien; “The Ransom Of Rusty Rex” which deals with a couple of kidnappers who abduct a wealthy man’s son, only to discover that the kid they swiped isn’t a kid at all and finally we end things with “Bad Seed” which sees the overworked police force of the town have something else to deal with when a pumpkin suddenly becomes sentient, eats it’s carver and then crawls off to contine its rampage. Man, this shit never seems to happen on Thanksgiving…
Unsurprisingly, the main issue with Tales Of Halloween is it’s ambition and in its attempts to deliver a big round number of ten different stories, it’s inevitable that a good number of them get lost in the shuffle and forgotten before the film has even finished. I can’t fault the urge to give us our money’s worth, because in that respect it certainly succeeds, however, even the V/H/S series realised that if you throw that many stories at an audience all at once, it’s inevitable that some – if not most – will fall by the wayside. Still, you can’t deny that Axelle Carolyn’s vision of a goofy, seasonal treat doesn’t prove to be silly, throwaway fun, even if her installment, “Grim Grinning Ghost” is arguably one of the most forgettable entries here despite a gaggle of cameos (Barbara Crampton, Stuart Gordon, Mick Garris, Lisa Marie) and a nifty jump scare ending.
In fact, while the hit/miss ratio is actually pretty good, the sheer bulk of rapid-fire entries means that the only stories to stand out are the ones that take the brief a little less seriously and go a little hogwild – this means that various entries work well in isolation but ultimately get swamped when part of the collective. Adam (Night Of The Demons remake) Gierasch’s “Trick” actually works pretty well thanks to a slightly more serious tone and a cool reveal, but it’s weirdly diffused by being bookended by Darren Lynn Bousman’s campy “The Night That Billy Raised Hell” (which probably would have worked better as a wraparound) and Paul Solet’s mostly pointless “The Weak And The Wicked”. Similarly, Lucky Mckee’s “Ding Ding” only remains as memorable as it is purely because the tale of Pollyanna McIntosh’s abusive witch contains a truly bizarre creature design despite the entry not actually making that much sense. However, the sight of the actress screaming, wailing and writhing with two extra arms growing out of her back is so striking, it’s a shame it’s not in a more clearer story.
However, whomever chose which order these stories went in deserves a pat on the back because not only does the film start with Dave (The Dead Hate The Living) Parker’s thoroughly nasty “Sweet Tooth” to set the scene, where a town legend’s love for chocolate drove him to canibalise it out of his strict parent’s bodies – but the film saves the more overtly fun entries for last. Yes, Andrew Kasch and John Skip’s “This Means War” may be the straightest entry here as it only concerns to human neighbours getting locked in a fatal, slapstick fight over their differences in opinion concerning decorating their lawns, but it’s genuinely funny and has energy to spare. It’s followed by possibly the silliest entry in Mike (The Convent) Mendez’s wonderfully titled “Friday The 31st”; but as dumb as pitting a masked killer against the alien controlled corpse of a murdered cheerleader is, it proves to be possibly my favorite entry in the entire movie due to the humorous gore and Evil Dead vibe. Also hitting the funny bone is Ryan (Abominable) Schifin’s “The Ransom Of Rusty Rex” which sees Sam Witwer and Jose Pablo Cantillo’s low level crooks abduct John Landis’ kid only to find that it’s actually a vicious, rodent-faced imp that causes nothing but chaos and won’t leave. Finally is Neil Marshall’s Bad Seed, which sadly isn’t as fun as the idea of the director of Dog Soldiers tackling a killer pumpkin should be, but watching the grinning vegetable bite the head off a full grown man and then sprout tendrils and scamper off is pretty much it’s own reward.
While hardly quintessential Halloween viewing when compared to the likes of Trick r’ Treat or, yes, Halloween, the kickabout nature of the film and the epic amount of cameos (chuck in Adrienne Barbeau, Joe Dante, Drew Struzan, Lin Shaye, Caroline Williams and even a guest main theme written by Lalo Schifrin alongside the other names I’ve dropped during this review) means that it’s a perfect pre-film to stick on in the background if you need a little throwaway ambience while you carve pumpkins and knock up some vodka jelly before your mates arrive.
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