We now live in a time where Asian movies can match up to the rest of the world when it comes to cinematic spectacle, but it wasn’t always so. Not only are we spoiled by theatrical releases of monster movies from the likes of Bong Hoon Ho (The Host) and Na Hong-hin (Hope), but we live in a time where Takashi Yamazaki’s Godzilla Minus One managed to nab the titular monster his first Oscar for special effects.
However, back in 2007, things we’re a little different and the best we could hope for was Shim Hyung-rae’s D-War, a CGI splurge-fest that was the highest budgeted Korean film at the time. However, it soon becomes fairly apparent that virtually none of that money was spent on the actual script as the final movie plays like a twelve year-old’s wet dream. Yes, merging Lord Of The Rings scale fantasy with Transformers bombast sure sounds cool, but when your eye is constantly drawn away from the sight from brawling, fantasy lizards by the fact that you can’t work out why Darryl from The Office is here, you can be certain that something’s gone tits up.
OK, now pay attention because some of this is bound to be important. Legend tells of a being known as the Yuh Yi Joo who has the ability to change a giant snake creature called Imoogi, that’s been chosen by heaven to turn into a Celestial Dragon. However, a corrupt Imoogi known as “Buraki”, who was denied being transformed in the past, will rise to hunt the Yuh Yi Joo should they reincarnate and start the cycle over again. Well guess what, as a young woman named Sarah Daniels living in Los Angeles is about to turn twenty, she seems to think that the dragon marking on her shoulder might have something to do with the giant snake creature that’s tearing apart chunks of the city. Elsewhere, television news anchor Ethan Kendrick knows he must find her fast, as he also is the reincarnation of Haram, Yuh Yi Joo’s protector in another life. But before we can wonder why all these people from Korean legend have all been reincarnated as white people in L.A. a gargantuan chase starts that will see the Buraki’s armies march on the City Of Angels and indulge in a shit-load of property damage.
As attack helicopters engage fireball spitting dragons in sky and the LAPD trade fire with giant lizards with canons on their backs in the streets, both Ethan and Sarah have accept their various destinies if they’re going to prevent the world turning into dragon-ville, USA. The problem us that to bring forth the Celestrial Dragon, the Yuh Yi Joo will have to offer up her lifeforce as payment, and just like 500 years prior, Ethan is reluctant to let his lady love go…
Still, he’d better make a decision sooner or later, because the military isn’t going to be able to hold out forever against an army of rampaging reptiles.
I’m not entirely sure why, but it feels a little like punching down to put the boot into D-War (aka. Dragon Wars) too much, because you can really tell that it’s heart is in the right place. After all, if America can make all the shonky blockbusters it’s wants, why can’t other countries try and bang out one of their own? However, while you have to give a tip of the hat to the ambitious, if antiquated, CGI that continuously insists on filling the frame (about two steps up from the 1998 Tri-Star Godzilla), the human stuff that sits among it is barely of the quality of your standard Asylum film. What makes it all the more surreal is that some of the supporting players are recognisable faces who either hadn’t managed to score their big break yet, or had just resigned themselves to an easy pay check. On one hand, seeing the likes Robert Forster, Chris Mulkey, or Rush Hour’s Elizabeth Peña is weird enough, but when you pair them with random sightings of The Office’s Craig Robinson and Parks & Rec’s Retta, things just take on an extra level of WTF.
To be fair, I’m fairly grateful for them, because watching Robinson stumble through awkward comic relief is far less painful then watching any of the other human parts of the plot. Jason Behr and Amanda Brooks somehow manage to exhibit such a lack of charisma, they seem less real than various CGI lizards that stampede through the frame in the second act. Similarly, judging by the vaguely lost look in his eyes, I genuinely believe that Forster has absolutely no idea what he’s actually talking about whenever he’s forced to unleash a metric ton of exposition upon us. However, all the world building you can muster doesn’t explain the rather curious fact that despite all the 500 year-old flashbacks plainly depicting all the characters as Korean, they’re all suspiciously reincarnated as white people – even the general of the evil dragon army, who still exclusively speaks Korean.
Still, the “plot” gets remarkably easier to swallow whenever the film drops its attempts to build a cohesive story and just revels in mindless dragon action and although the film never really explains why a giant snake monster has an army that launches missiles from the back of chonky, out of shape reptiles, there is a fair amount of fun watching a film try to measure up to the type of carnage regularly unleashed by Hollywood. While the film certainly can’t match the west for quality, it certainly attempts to go toe to toe on terms of quantity, and while endless shots of attack choppers getting obliterated by flaming loogies and the Buraki repeatedly missing it’s prey by a hair’s breadth ultimately get fairly repetitive I have got to give the filmmakers some credit.
Of course, it all ends up with a snake/dragon showdown in a gloomy, gothic stronghold that looks like it could double as Sauron’s summer home away from Mordor; but once again, we’re given a strict lesson that it’s tough to care about digital serpents brawling to the death when the human element is so lacking. Writer/director Shim Hyung-rae was also responsible for the creature carnage of 1999’s Yonggary (the previous record holder for most expensive Korean film ever made) and I have to say, for all of its faults, D-War is an immense step up when it comes to Korean creature crunchers. It’s just a shame that the director hasn’t got the same knack with flesh and blood humans than he does with writhing, digital serpents, and armies on lizard-back. It also doesn’t help that a lot of that clunky dialogue tends to mirror what the viewer is thinking. “I keep trying to understand, but none of this is making any sense.” is one such prophetic uttering, as is “I’m getting tired of all this destiny crap!” – but I can assure you that when someone says “I’ll love you for all eternity.” the film proves to be very much on its own for that one.
While I firmly appreciate that movies like D-War paved the road so we can enjoy the embarrassment of riches Korean genre cinema now doles out on the regular, that doesn’t mean that the constant sight of actors with completely blank expressions on their faces and endless CGI explosions don’t ultimately grate on the nerves. This is one war that will certainly drag-on…
