Transformers: Age Of Extinction

What can I say that hasn’t already been said?
Universally bad reviews, 17% rotten on Rotten Tomatoes (last time I checked). But is Michael Bay’s newest Transformers effort REALLY as bad as everyone says?
Well yes, it is. But that didn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it. Just not in the way the film makers may have intended.
You see, some of the tradtional “Bay-isms” we’ve come to expect are so exaggerated here it verges on self parody. So instead of doing a normal review, here are T4’s greatest (s)hits:

The Transformers are made of a material called Transformium.
The film is nearly 3 hours long and yet doesn’t seem to be about anything or tie up it’s loose plot strands
The dinobots are offhandedly passed off as “ancient knight” transformers and left as that. After running around fucking up more of China than the villains do they are free to just wander off in their giant dino forms at the end of the movie and no one seems to mind.
There are two transformer villains who have completely different evil plans which don’t intersect and they never meet…

I actually can’t remember if one of the Autobot characters died at the end or not.
I’m still unsure as to how many dinobots there actually were. I think four, but promo material may have showed 6.
Whalberg’s characters name is Cade Yeager. Cade Yeager, people.
The film creepily goes out of it’s way to point out in great detail a legal loophole that makes it okay for Whalberg’s underage daughter to be banging her 20 year old boyfriend.
The Transformers are made of a material called Transformium.
The product placement is insane.
A bus blows up in China at one point with Victoria’s Secret written on the back in English. No actual advertisement. Just Victoria’s Secret just literally printed on the back. And after a long foot chase Stanley Tucci’s character actually sits down and drinks a particular Chinese brand of milk. I shit you not, he sits there and drinks this thing and you fucking watch him do it for like 5 seconds. The film, like, stops!

We are supposed to buy that Wahlberg’s inventor character, with no formal training, can not only take out a trained CIA operative with a football but he also can go toe to toe with a transformer five times his size.
The Transformers are made of a material called fucking transformium.
There are many more… Trust me.
Treated at it’s own level the movie is fine, I guess… (still better than the 2nd film)
but if this kinda thing ain’t your bag, keep well clear.


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